Bullish Enthusiast T-Shirts

In a stock brokers, the lift buttons for up and down have bulls and bears on them.

Sign on desk reads: 'Thanks for not wishing me a nice day.'

"Lori, go ahead and toss in 'Lolita.' Now, what's next?" "We'll need more lighter fluid." "'The Lottery' is devils work." "We must protect the children." "Book burning club"

"I'm trying to forget a pussycat."

Stock market Bull & Bear financial whirlwind.

"Still Undecided Political Blocs"

"What do you mean blood sucking pest? You're the one who invited me into your life!"

"True, a salary cap on Wall Street may limit the talent pool, but, on the other hand, if they get any more talented we'll all be broke."

World Food Summit - No food and drink allowed in the auditorium.

What happened when the bond issues failed during the building of the Great Wall of China: The Great Picket Fence of China.

"I'm a common dolphin, I swim the west coast of Scotland foraging for fish and squid."

"I liked it better when it was 'don't ask, don't tell the New York Times'."

"We did our best for your husband but his poor old health insurance was too weak..."

'Not only can I not find the middle class tax cut, I can't find the middle class.'

Militant Pacifists

"Cartoonist are harmless? Not at all!! These people have weapons!! Here, see for yourself!"

'I hate the moods yuo wake up in!'

"You work for the family business, and I am your father, not the patriarchal oppressor..."

"I work smart, instead of hard. You do all the work and I take all the credit."

'This is a very dysfunctional company. No one will talk aboaut about the elephant in the boardroom!'

"My parents just raised my home school tuition."

"Alright, fire me. But I'm taking back your "World's Greatest Boss" coffee mug!"

Multiple personalities with blogs.

"Closing averages on the human scene were mixed today. Brotherly love was down two points, while enlightened self-interest gained a half. Vanity showed no movement, and guarded optimism slipped a point in sluggish trading. Over all, the status quo remained unchanged."

Time for today's dose of emotional manipulation...

'The Bear' pub, changed to 'The Bull.'

"I'm afraid it's the bankruptcy virus."

I knew we were in uncharted waters when our chickens started asking questions like these:

"He can't speak to you at the moment - he's bonding with his compensation package."

Surgical Self-Service

"See? No socialists."

"Of course I'm proud to work here... Why do you ask?

'Oh great,,, More protesters getting on our case about how the magazine industry creates 'unrealistic standards' for the human body,'