Bugged Out Dog Lover Gifts

"Ladies and gentlemen. . . .this dog has been chosen to host the next flea olympics. Fleas from every country will compete, and record attendance is expected."

'He's our new Bone Specialist!'

"The article says there was a break-in at the museum last night. I don't suppose you know anything about that."

"Hi! Hi! Hi! Hi!"

"I don't know what I'm going to do...my presentation is due on Monday and I haven't even started...I'm not sure I know how to speak."

"If man is my best friend, why is he giving me this crap to eat?"

'You see, I didn't lie, the Internet is full of puppy and kitten videos: We could make a fortune!'

It' complications galore for Sparky when easy-to-assemble instructions are read upside down.

Zika Epidemic

Man's best friend - Man's worst friend - Man's only friend.

"Look, if it wasn’t me and it wasn’t you, who was doing all the snoring?!"

"Bailey! What part of 'never jump on the Stickley' don't you understand?!"

"I used to think maybe I was the problem but then I realized she was just a bitch."

"Listen, girl: It's been three days, we're lost and out of food. I need you to find a radio that has the Bruins game on ..."

"If our proposal is a success, control yourself and don't start running all around the room."

"He wasn't quite dark enough to name 'midnight' so I named him ten o'clock."

"This is what happens when you marry an obedience school dropout."

Water cooler talk - dogs drinking from toilet.

'You'll find I'm very reasonable, Henderson- you scratch my belly and I'll scratch yours.'

Cloak Rooms

"They call this a coffee table, but it tastes nothing like coffee."

"Honey, for the last time, stop calling me at work."

"A text? Since when did the dog stop barking when he wanted to come in?"

"If it pleases the court, the prosecution would like to pet the defendant, too."

Man tries to shake clinging dog off his leg. Dog says to another dog: 'I suppose you could say I'm a people person.'

Witches

'And the guy running for dog catcher has a superpac!'

Telepekingesis.

'I hear a pet can help prolong your life. Got any that know the Heimlich maneuver?'

"Are you trying to get me nicked."

Rockwell School (Dog disguised as pupil).

"He gives everybody the same advice. . . roll over your funds."

A dog's fleas have abandoned him to attend the flea market.

"I know I said my dog had no teeth, mister- but that's not my dog!"

Trick or treating dog.