Bugged Out Dog Lover Gifts

'He's our new Bone Specialist!'

"The article says there was a break-in at the museum last night. I don't suppose you know anything about that."

"Hi! Hi! Hi! Hi!"

"I don't know what I'm going to do...my presentation is due on Monday and I haven't even started...I'm not sure I know how to speak."

"If man is my best friend, why is he giving me this crap to eat?"

'You see, I didn't lie, the Internet is full of puppy and kitten videos: We could make a fortune!'

It' complications galore for Sparky when easy-to-assemble instructions are read upside down.

Man's best friend - Man's worst friend - Man's only friend.

Zika Epidemic

"Look, if it wasn’t me and it wasn’t you, who was doing all the snoring?!"

"Bailey! What part of 'never jump on the Stickley' don't you understand?!"

"He wasn't quite dark enough to name 'midnight' so I named him ten o'clock."

"Listen, girl: It's been three days, we're lost and out of food. I need you to find a radio that has the Bruins game on ..."

"If our proposal is a success, control yourself and don't start running all around the room."

"I used to think maybe I was the problem but then I realized she was just a bitch."

"This is what happens when you marry an obedience school dropout."

Water cooler talk - dogs drinking from toilet.

'You'll find I'm very reasonable, Henderson- you scratch my belly and I'll scratch yours.'

"A text? Since when did the dog stop barking when he wanted to come in?"

"Honey, for the last time, stop calling me at work."

"They call this a coffee table, but it tastes nothing like coffee."

Cloak Rooms

Witches

Man tries to shake clinging dog off his leg. Dog says to another dog: 'I suppose you could say I'm a people person.'

"If it pleases the court, the prosecution would like to pet the defendant, too."

'And the guy running for dog catcher has a superpac!'

"Are you trying to get me nicked."

Telepekingesis.

'I hear a pet can help prolong your life. Got any that know the Heimlich maneuver?'

Rockwell School (Dog disguised as pupil).

A dog's fleas have abandoned him to attend the flea market.

"I know I said my dog had no teeth, mister- but that's not my dog!"

"He gives everybody the same advice. . . roll over your funds."

Trick or treating dog.

'Nothing against you - I just don't like the taste of rabbit.'