Budget Wizard Gifts

'Good news I'm ten percent under budget.'

"Why should two plus two equal four all the time?"

'I can tell you the meaning of life, but I can't explain 'Quantitative Easing' or 'Sequestration'.'

Number 2 in a series of unlikely events: "There's more money in the budget than we know what to do with so you don't need to ask me every time you just need to spend a few hundred quid."

Sales - We could try a 'free offer' but it would cost us.

You can't fool all of the people all of the time, especially with our advertising budget.

"While we finish our desert, I thought we could all have a chat on matters fiscal."

'I guess I should have paid the foundation bill.'

Back pain - Back to school.

Math I = You Won't Be Getting That New Car.

HOUSE APPROPRIATIONS COMMITTEE, 'The White House needs $765 billion -- we'll explain later.'

"The company must save money. That's why we've got to be easy on the carpet."

'And this is where we attempt to forecast the true size of the spending cuts!'

'Dude! Just bar the 5th fret and it works!'

'Our British friends will appreciate that, as the Universe expands, so must everything in it, including the E.U. budget!'

'Let's face it, you'll just have to pay by instalments and that's just for the deposit...'

'I got a cost of eking out a living raise.'

'Would you like a drink with your meal?' - 'Yes, I'd like a glass of water, please.' - 'Still or sparkling?' - 'Tap.' - 'Cheapskate.' - 'Bite me.'

Budget cuts...

"Papi, do we have enough net financial assets to meet essential living expenses for nine months if our source of income disappears?"

ATM: Sorry Your Wife Beat You To It.

High electricity prices

"We've got 50 bucks left in the budget. Do you want groceries or take-out?"

Everything became too freaking expensive today.

Insurance PremiumsGrowth Chart,

"I've got an idea Mr Jones, just stop buying crap"

'I can't afford to feed you anymore. . .'

'The only thing I understand about football is the nickle defense. My husband uses it every time I ask for money.'

'Wow, my own desk!'

'I'm pretty sure I'm just seeing you due to bad eggnog, but still, as a principal I try to keep school costs down so I was wondering if you'd deliver these report cards while on your rounds?'

'It's the accountant - he's talking the board through the financial situation.'

'I think we might have to find some money to do something about the office heating...'

'According to my analysis, the Theoretical Maths Department should be able to survive if we can budget for paper and pencils...'

Serious bummer! The bank says I'm overdrawn.

Checking and Savings. Well, a penny saved is still a penny earned -- minus user's fees and transaction charges. (Published originally on October 1, 2005.)