Budget Travel Planner T-Shirts

'This is your captain in the event of a decrease in cabin air pressure, the oxygen mask will drop down and you will be billed $2 per breath.'

"So the plan is to fly everyone for free. But we'll charge $400.00 per bag."

"This is not permanent...we'll be back as soon as things start to look up."

Unable to raise enough money for a trip to Paris, the Bartlesville High French Club had to settle for three days in Tulsa.

A treasure map shows you all the roads without tolls.

"No luggage to check - I just have this carry on."

Man packing suitcase with French vocabulary

"At $4 a dozen, it's hard to balance a career and a family."

"Do you remember, Peg—are we on our way out or on our way back?"

'Next year I'm hiring a tank!'

"I just..."

'Are we broke yet?'

"At these tuition prices an acceptance letter is pretty much a denial."

Where do you see yourself five years from today, dork-boy? 43 Breen Road. What are you talking about? It's where everyone wants to go. It's the most popular AirBnB in San Francisco. The earliest opening they had was five years from today. Just book a hotel. Hotels are so 2007.

"We're off. We got a loan to fill er up!"

"For the last time, we never need the route with the fewest turns."

"You just had to book the economy cruise, didn't you?"

"If your luggage is in your clothes it doesn't count!"

Excess Baggage: Airlines are constantly working on new seating configurations.

'He must be going economy!'

Getting out of baggage fees is tricky, another sweater or two and I'd be charged for an extra seat.

"It was rated on all the travel websites. 'Best economy tour'."

'Margaret, what are we doing on this cruise ship that we couldn't have done at home, cheaper?'

'They're alright if you like Charlie Chaplin inflight movies.'

'Can I ask you what you've had to eat this morning, Sir? . . .Have you evacuated your bowels since then? . . . I'm afraid I'll have to charge you for the additional weight.'

An airplane with a sardine can opener instead of a door

'You're going on a long journey. Have you got an OAP's bus pass?'

Keep the econoimy moving

'And, at those prices, we have two wheel well seats available.'

"I think I found a location for our vacation."

Mad For It

"Will you be flying through to Toledo, or attempting to leave mid-air?"

"This is the last time I let you handle our vacation plans, you cheapskate."

A mental-health spot quiz, Al: "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single … Google search of travel websites"?

"Now THAT's what I call a budget airline!"