Budget Breakdown Fan Gifts

The budget explained. . . Thanks for your help, now sod off!

When Tia Carmen says... "I got it for a very good price!" it means...she stopped at a garage sale on the way home.

'Brian's saved us a small fortune...making all our own furniture!'

'I became successful when my dreams changed from the Cary Grants of the world to federal grants.'

"You'd be angry, too, if your alter ego was a successful physician."

'My hubby is getting better at D.I.Y. . . . Oh yes, he now spends more on screws than plasters.'

"You've done an absolutely fabulous job with the house, Anne, and Gordon's so improved!"

"Did we just paint the house or did it just paint us?!"

'Love your renovations.'

'We should have bought the piano first, and built the igloo around it.'

'We could either give you a $50,000 home improvement loan, or $2,000 to just blow your house up.'

"We've decided to cut back and have Christmas every other year."

'Yes, Bob, Allan's wife did let him buy tickets to the big game, but then Allan didn't spend all his allowance on nachos and beer, now, did he?'

'You sure we can't afford another ladder?'

"That fly paper's paid for itself."

"If only there was a thesaurus for numbers."

EU money addiction

'ON GUARD!' 'Touche.'

'And then, after soccer practice, we stopped at crazy Al's Big Screen TV Store!'

Avon lady (selling foundation cream) tapping a builder on the shoulder.

ACcountants Lunch

'All I said was,'do you want decking,sir?'

'The teacher says you're very clever for your age!'

'Bill, in the country it's a CELLAR not a BASEMENT! I won't come down 'til you use the proper term.'

"It was all we could afford in the end."

'Dear Customer - Due to economic cutbacks, this year we have produced a 'Round Robin' Christmas Card...'

'Was I wrong in thinking that diamonds are a girl's best friend?'

"Your profile says you like to live life like there's no tomorrow."

GOP Pied Piper.

"Have you noticed? They're making everything smaller at the grocery store...but they're keeping prices the same!"

'What would it cost to change it into a one-way glass house?'

Man nails in a picture of boxing wearing boxing gloves.

"I know your sad it's being pulled down son."

"All the money we've saved on bulk food we've spent on freezers!"

"He can be pretty mean when he takes his wife out to dinner"