Buddha Believer Pillows

Zen Buddhist Diary

"Break his third chakra!" "Knock the dharma out of him!"

"I want him to have the serenity to accept the things he can't pee on, the patience to pee on the things he can outside, and the wisdom to know the difference." "But I'll probably just take him to a trainer."

'Don't just sit there thinking. Meditate.'

Zenemies.

"Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama?" "That's right." "What's right?" "Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama." "Why are you asking me?"

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

"Are you not thinking what I'm not thinking?"

"Try picking up a girl after you've renounced everything."

"Showoff"

"Hey, no problem. I am one with multiple tasks."

'It's a zen diaphragm.'

'I'll be back in three or four months - Hold that thought.'

'Do you believe in reincarnation?' - 'I don't now, but I did when I was Napoleon.'

When Buddha came to nirvana.

Buddhist photo albums,

'We've got truth, we've got enlightenment, and we've got serenity - what we NEED is media coverage.'

'He hasn't been the same since the Goodyear blimp sneaked up behind him.'

Give up all my possessions? Did I say Buddhist? I meant Boatist. I'm a boatist.

"Hoarder."

'The trouble is, once you've attained enlightenment, it's all downhill.'

'Please join me now in a group meditation.'

Zenboni

'We've got truth, we've got enlightenment, and we've got serenity - what we NEED is media coverage.'

Not The Real Me

"That's the Ommbudsman."

"When was your last meta-physical?"

"I'm having trouble with my long-term memory -- I can't remember my earlier reincarnations."

"I would kill for your metabolism."