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Zen Buddhist Diary

"Son, it's time you learned the benefits of sitting around doing nothing."

"I want him to have the serenity to accept the things he can't pee on, the patience to pee on the things he can outside, and the wisdom to know the difference." "But I'll probably just take him to a trainer."

"Break his third chakra!" "Knock the dharma out of him!"

"And these are the Fab Four Noble Truths."

'Don't just sit there thinking. Meditate.'

'Oh, crap.'

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

"Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama?" "That's right." "What's right?" "Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama." "Why are you asking me?"

Zenemies.

"Are you not thinking what I'm not thinking?"

"Try picking up a girl after you've renounced everything."

"Showoff"

"I guess now's as good a time as any."

"Hey, no problem. I am one with multiple tasks."

'I'll be back in three or four months - Hold that thought.'

'Do you believe in reincarnation?' - 'I don't now, but I did when I was Napoleon.'

'It's a zen diaphragm.'

'He hasn't been the same since the Goodyear blimp sneaked up behind him.'

Buddhist photo albums,

'We've got truth, we've got enlightenment, and we've got serenity - what we NEED is media coverage.'

When Buddha came to nirvana.

"Did you unpack your baggage yourself?"

"Hoarder."

Give up all my possessions? Did I say Buddhist? I meant Boatist. I'm a boatist.

'The trouble is, once you've attained enlightenment, it's all downhill.'

Sermon on the Grounds...

'Please join me now in a group meditation.'

Zenboni

Om and Ommer

'We've got truth, we've got enlightenment, and we've got serenity - what we NEED is media coverage.'

Not The Real Me

"When was your last meta-physical?"

"I would kill for your metabolism."

"I'm having trouble with my long-term memory -- I can't remember my earlier reincarnations."