Broadcast Blaster Pillows

"I know - let's make a programme about people's complaints about our bloody awful programmes...!!"

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

This is Lenny the leopard with the on-the-spot news.

'If only every year was an election year.'

"And now here's Cathie with the hypothetical portion of the news."

Dialogue

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

"As some of you may have guessed I got yesterday's sunburn factor wrong!"

"This just in: one of us always tells lies; the other always tells the truth. Who's who? Stay tuned."

"This just in... the country has adopted a 24 hr military clock... ...details at 23."

"That concludes our broadcast day. Go to bed."

Local News in Heaven

'Och lye the news'

Malcolm Sargent

'John is watching the game under protest.'

"Hang in there everyone—we promise a cute animal story at the end."

"Reports that AI is planning a world takeover are greatly exaggerated."

"Joe's cereal. NPR co-approved."

"The enemy of the people!"

Presenter Auditions.

"This just in — I no longer have a job."

"... And in Canada today ... nothing happened."

"Welcome back to the We Were Bored and Had Nothing Else To Do podcast."

"Our next story should interest all our viewers...it's a real can of worms."

Sports Radio in Crisis

'And for those of you calling in to say he is behind us - OH NO he isn't.'

"This just in: you thought joy was within reach, but you were wrong."

'Here's our business editor to talk s**t to us for five minutes'

'BBC Training course' "Repeat after me"

'On a personal note, I'm pleased to report I've been upgraded from reporter to opinionated loudmouthed pundit.'

'Those viewers who disagree with our editorial on TV violence has better keep their big mouths shut!'