Broadband Pillows

I've always been slower than computers...

Life Remaining Progress Bar

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

Glastonbury. After.

"I caution everyone to avoid taking the first field reporter job that comes along."

This is Lenny the leopard with the on-the-spot news.

"And now here's Cathie with the hypothetical portion of the news."

'If only every year was an election year.'

Dialogue

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'

"This just in: According to a recent poll, painkillers have replaced religion as the opiate of the masses."

'We've knocked out the interior walls to improve our home Wi-Fi coverage.'

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

'Now for today's numbers...'Bad Dogs' outnumbered 'Good Dogs' by two-to-one...'

"As some of you may have guessed I got yesterday's sunburn factor wrong!"

Trumpeter swan meets trombone swan.

"This just in: one of us always tells lies; the other always tells the truth. Who's who? Stay tuned."

R.I.P. ZZ Top - Dusty Hill 1949-2021

"This just in... the country has adopted a 24 hr military clock... ...details at 23."

"That concludes our broadcast day. Go to bed."

Local News in Heaven

'Och lye the news'

Quartet.

"Reports that AI is planning a world takeover are greatly exaggerated."

Dog FM. (Man blowing dog whistle into radio microphone).

"Hang in there everyone—we promise a cute animal story at the end."

'Not a word to Alfred, but the spare bedroom is worth losing the fourteen pounds!'

Malcolm Sargent

Unbeknownst to most, dogs are actually greedy bastards searching for gold,

'Surely they don't expect us to carry around THAT sort of money?'

As you can see, media coverage at this event is very heavy...

"This just in — I no longer have a job."