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I've always been slower than computers...

Life Remaining Progress Bar

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

Glastonbury. After.

"I caution everyone to avoid taking the first field reporter job that comes along."

This is Lenny the leopard with the on-the-spot news.

"And now here's Cathie with the hypothetical portion of the news."

'If only every year was an election year.'

Dialogue

BBC - Crisis Management, Damage Control and Liability Supervision.

'Now for today's numbers...'Bad Dogs' outnumbered 'Good Dogs' by two-to-one...'

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'

'We've knocked out the interior walls to improve our home Wi-Fi coverage.'

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

Sci-Fi Museum. New Exhibit. H.G. Wells War of the Worlds. In 1938, Orson Welles broadcast "War of the Worlds," a radio drama about aliens from Mars invading earth. The radio drama was presented as a series of fake news reports about devastation caused by the invading aliens. Many listeners turned in to the program mid-roadcast and thought the news reports were real. Widespread panic ensued. Wow! Orson Welles caused all that panic with a radio program. Just imagine what he could have don

"This just in: According to a recent poll, painkillers have replaced religion as the opiate of the masses."

"As some of you may have guessed I got yesterday's sunburn factor wrong!"

Trumpeter swan meets trombone swan.

"This just in: one of us always tells lies; the other always tells the truth. Who's who? Stay tuned."

R.I.P. ZZ Top - Dusty Hill 1949-2021

"This just in... the country has adopted a 24 hr military clock... ...details at 23."

"I'm Lester Holt, and this, is date night."

Local News in Heaven

"That concludes our broadcast day. Go to bed."

Quartet.

'Och lye the news'

Dog FM. (Man blowing dog whistle into radio microphone).

Malcolm Sargent

It's not a bad planet -- Their talk shows make it seem a lot worse than it is.

'Not a word to Alfred, but the spare bedroom is worth losing the fourteen pounds!'

'NBC has revealed plans for a new, humorous version of The Office.'

"Reports that AI is planning a world takeover are greatly exaggerated."

"Hang in there everyone—we promise a cute animal story at the end."

Unbeknownst to most, dogs are actually greedy bastards searching for gold,

'Surely they don't expect us to carry around THAT sort of money?'