British Royalty Gifts

"If Smithers doesn't hurry, we'll have a right royal accident."

'Posh and Bucks' Queen Elizabeth and Prince Philip

'This year has left me speechless!'

"Archi!"

King Arthur on the lake trying to open letters when the lady of the lake offers a letter opener.

"Before you chop off my head, don't you think we should see a counsellor?"

'Sire, Sodom and Gomorrah are requesting Federal disaster relief aid.'

"Well how about that. . . Lady Godiva bought a Harley!"

Ernie Studios. Hi, Ernie. What movies are you working on? We have a script about astronauts marooned on a planet filed with talking gorillas who are in hard economic times. I think I'll call it "The Apes of Wrath"! We're casting "Reignman." The central character is a savant monarch. And we're filming a movie about a suburban town populated by women with strange, long hair ... It's called "The Stepford Weaves."

King Henry and his Cheshire bride

'You can just forget about the cake.'

'Don't look at me like that! You're the one who wanted to live in a bouncy castle!'

"I need a little more drama like a ten part mini-series."

"It's a cage. It's gilded, and I love it."

The Grasshopper's Feast: A Prophetic Vision

'I guess it's not much consolation but I thought your impersonation of the King was a riot.'

'At this rate I'll end up with more heirs than hairs!'

'Don't be silly- of course you're going into the family business!'

"Based on the feedback from advisers whom I haven't beheaded, all of my ideas are great."

'How about a game of cards?'

King George I

TV jester.

Czarcasm

'You've made a powerful enemy'

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Dead Cat Crown Jewels

"She wishes to range free!"

'This vacation, let's go on something OTHER than a power trip.'

'Fancy you doing a curtsey and she being a non-serving royal, you big dope!'

'Did you bark, M'Lady?'

'The Burrito King.'

Hadrian's Wall

"Can you juggle a household, three kids, and a career?"

'Well, nobody can say you haven't grown in office.'

Disraeli Stands for 'British Interests' Against Russian Expansionism

"'Conquer Spain'? 'Balance the budget'? 'Reform the justice system'? -- You call this a honey-do list?"