Breathless Adventurer Pillows

"Pace yourself, stay close to me and try not to have a heart attack."

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

The aliens froze, gripped by a primal fear. This time there would be no abduction.

'Before you can enter, you need to punch in the verification code so we can be certain that you're a real soul,'

"Just one more question before I let you in...I can let you in...are you a cat or dog person?"

"Needs to get a life"

I took a vacation to forget everything and I forgot my luggage.

Hang on...I've got WINGS..!!!

"If you get to the pitchfork-shaped cloud, you've gone too far."

A surprise in heaven

"I do tech support for the cloud."

"I am not asking for directions."

"Is this what I want to be doing with my death?"

Mountain climbers face a closed route.

'This is way better than a litter box.'

"Finally, Miss Big-Shot calls her dead mother!"

Saint Peter will sometimes put on a disguise just to play a prank on the new arrivals.

I used to love coming here. Nudist beach.

Halo Frisbee.

"Y'know, I don't know what I'd do without her, but I'd sure like to find out."

'I've got a cape. I think I can make it.'

"I told you to pack a damned sweater."

"Dr. Stolner says it might be nice if I let you see my dark side."

"That's Bob. He's a bit of a wing nut."

"I want more than anonymous sex. I want anonymous intimacy."

Free ticket to heaven... details inside

"Your long-range investments would have made you a very wealthy man."

'You sloth and gluttony guys have it easy -- I'm here for envy!'

"Even if I did believe that he was communicating through you. I'm afraid it's too late to change the will now."

'It's your babysitter, where do you keep your fire extinguisher?'

2pm meet your Creator

'He doesn't talk to me anymore.'

"Let's text her, she'd like that."

The noise from the basement was probably nothing – but if it was, she was a sacrifice her older brothers were willing to make.

Norman Wisdom at the Pearly Gates