Breastfeeding Jokester Gifts

'My husband's a breast milk connoisseur.'

"Our Summer Citrus IPA contains your full daily requirement of fruit and fiber."

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

"This should send the midwife off in a frenzy."

"You got the dolls yesterday? My mom says I took nine months!"

Man in office on saddle: 'You heard right. I just got hired as a desk jockey.'

'The second day of my diet is the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

'How's daddy's little deductions doing?'

'She said her first words today.'

"Can't you just relax and enjoy my childhood."

'If you're into preparing healthy meals then I recommend the apricot brandy. It contains the antioxidant beta carotene.'

'He's so hip he even used rock 'n roll-on deodorant.'

"Nice try Kevin, but you've put all your laundry into the dishwasher!"

Phoning a Busy Sheep: 'Sorry I can't get to the phone right now, please make an animal noise after the bleat!'

Cleaning the Horse

"When I said change the baby, I meant his diapers!"

'Congratulations. It's a latch key kid.'

"Day 1: Back in the carrier."

'Nope.'

'...time you had your ears syringed?'

'I've got rotten teeth and you need glasses, ironic does not even cover it!'

'Inverted nipple? It's probably just incredibly shy.'

'What's this?' - 'Your sealed orders, not to be opened till 7 furlongs.'

'Maybe I've got washboard abs underneath - you ever think that?'

'No I'm going to do this one standing.

How Moms Explain

'I forgot to bring diapers. We were a long way from refreshing.'

Buoyancy Weight

'When I'm in the saddle I'm part of the horse.' - 'Yes, but which part?'

'I'm trying to watch my weight so I hope that's low fat!'

"I think we have mice in the walls."

'At first I wanted a brother... but I changed my mind. I want a puppy.'

'It was just a matter of time, old cowpuncher, 'til one of them punched back.'