Breast Health Gifts

'Doctor, I think they switched my results - this letter I received says I have dense breasts, but wouldn't that mean they'd be perkier - at least above my belly button?'

"Approaching 10,000 steps."

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

2021

"Good For You / Bad For You"

"I don't think you're getting enough stress."

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

"We've made great progress!"

Self help acupuncture

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

'You've hit the fitness plateau.'

"Do you guys serve beer?"

'Something for the weekend, Sir?'

Lady drying hair whilst on exercise bike.

"I spend my day prepping for a good night"

What the Doctor Ordered

'Let me through, I'm at Doctor.com.'

'Well, well, well...'

Lactose Intolerant

"Your contents have shifted."

Mister Mid-Life Crisis

"It's not the social stigma. It's the mercury."

'No, honestly, it's just diet and exercise.'

'Not that sort of body building program!'

"The way he stacks those blocks, I see repression, some hostility, and a lot of dissatisfaction with his place in society."

'The dietician told him to increase his roughage!'

'I'm ninety-two! Tell me what I'm doing wrong... I dare you!"

"This prognosis is positive, you've got a cold nose."

"Your bad cholesterol is trying to persuade your good cholesterol to switch sides."

"If we carry them home we’ll get at least one workout."

Express Barber Chair for Chemo Patients

We did a biopsy on the mole we removed, and it turns out it was just an old piece of chocolate.

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'