Breakup Expert T-Shirts

'Dear Jon...'

'Okay.. what the hell.'

Pony express. Pony express yourself. Pony express yourself so much he left.

"Is that true, Charles? You leave your crap all over the house?"

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

'Honestly! You really ought to see someone about that cough of yours.'

'You've changed since we got married.'

'She seems to think I only have one thing on my mind.'

"Ours will be the first mixed marriage in my family. Dog people NEVER marry cat people."

'It took me years of training, but now he's my perfect man.'

"It's not you-it's me."

'We've been playing house for 5 minutes, and she's already nagging me to get a job.'

"I'm leaving you, Steven....It's all there in my text message."

"I've never, ever taken you for granted, Ingrid."

'I don't know about you, but he was really beginning to get on my nerves.'

'I'll never forget you, Vince -- My therapist says it would be counterproductive to try.'

'Okay, we grew old together - Now what?'

"Just tell us who's winning."

'I leave a few spaces so you can get a few words in edgeways.'

"All parents fight."

"It says here we should get a lodger."

"The secret of our relationship? Easy. She just acts as if I don't even exist."

"It's over between us, Kevin, I've met a most wonderful cod!"

"Stop undressing me with your eyes."

"Does it say 'I'm ovulating'?"

"I'm the lot of baggage he comes with."

Is this Randy the Love Doctor? Speaking. What ails you, sister? People were right: Now that gay people in all 50 states can marry, it's destroyed marriage altogether. My husband Larry just left me and moved in with Earl the plumber. First of all, ma'am, I'm pretty sure you have no idea how these things work. The supreme court gave Larry the gay. How do I undo the gay?

"I do love you, Robin, but I'm not sure I'm ready for a full-on commitment yet."

Ereptile Dysfunction

'There are signs of improvement but I wouldn't order Christmas cards with both your names on them.'

'Do try and look intelligent-here comes my first husband...'

"Yes, this is exactly how wars start—because of someone's insensitivity!"

'She was upset about breaking up with 'Phoenix',your 'plenty more fish in the sea' just made it worse!'

"Does this dress make my butt look big?"

"The Tudballs got married by a judge. I still say a jury should have been present!"