Breakfast Conversationalists Pillows

"Why can't you read the paper at breakfast, like other husbands?"

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"Tell me about yourself. Any weird genes or anything?"

"I don'y know about you guys, but I don't feel like I've lost one goddamn bit of my feminity."

Imaginary boyfriends are best.

"When you say you love your life, should I be happy for you?"

"Hi Mike, how's the Leprosy research going?"

"I think he should cut a deal and invite Paula Jones to join NATO."

Chick in noodle soup.

'We were made for each other...we hate the same TV shows.'

'It's going to be harder to get back than you think. We're now part of a subculture of a counter culture.'

"We're still negotiating. I want a six-figure starting salary and they don't want to hire me."

"Is this the wobbly table? I'll put my screenplay under this leg."

"Paved in gold? Oh my, no. With out crumbling infrastructure we're doing well if the streets are paved at all."

"I broke it off with him when I realized his love of quinoa was but a sham."

'I didn't get the settlement I was hoping for...turns out I'd already spent most of his money while we were married.'

"Come on now. It's not that bad. We never even had Paris."

"I remember when you could order a cup of coffee in two or three words."

"I've had a few days to calm down and process things and I've come to the realization that I was wrong to have had faith in humanity."

"Phil is my Vice President in Charge of Snappy Comebacks."

"I thought I was a writer, but it turned out to be a chemical imbalance."

"What is it about us that makes only crazy people want to talk to us?"

"Not to be a killjoy, but this happened on our property. Are liable?"

"I was going to wake you up with oral sex this morning, but you looked like you could use the extra sleep."

'Say 'Nessage in a gottle.' one more time and I'm putting you back in your box.'

"Why is it sooo difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good-looking. . . ?"

"The Sculleys, the Jensons, the Walkers, Freedy, Joan, Don and the Bowes. Oh, well, Madame de Stael had to start somewhere."

"All this fuss about same sex marriage, I've been having the same sex with my husband for the last 27 years."

"The longer it takes him to recite the specials, the guiltier I feel for not ordering one."

"Why are you surprised we're having leftovers? It's all we ever eat!"