Brand Critic Gifts

Peace on Earth

'For my latest line, I bought clothes at Target and then changed the label,'

"I can't eat these nutrition bars. They're for women."

Can We Support Colin Kaepernick and Still Hate Nike For Abusing Foreign Workers?

Kellogg cuts workforce...

"And the funny part is, those idiots are still buying out products..."

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

"The leadership team wants a catchy acronym for a new social media app they're calling Functional Applied Relationship Tracker. Any suggestions?"

'That's our mission statement.'

Come in, minion. What's up, boss? I'm writing a novel. It's a thriller about an intrepid caf

'No, it's not really good - that's our lawsuits-to-earnings ratio.'

"We're looking for that perfect blend of vision, ambition and ethical ambiguity."

"The new chairman has dropped the brain-storming meetings."

Burger Queen: The Patriarchy is Dead.

BBC - Crisis Management, Damage Control and Liability Supervision.

"Would anyone like to question my downsizing proposal?"

'Let me see your portfolio of stolen ideas.'

"I can't decide. I'm having a brand identity crisis."

'We've just become the biggest corporation in America.. let's celebrate today and begin downsizing tomorrow.'

'An exxpert team set up a team of special consultants, that then set up a committee whose members asked their 7 year old kids. Now 14 months later they've concluded we're not efficient enough.'

'Our problem is how to lower quality while raising prices...'

"Well, either you're hopelessly optimistic or hopelessly short-sighted."

'I really wish you guys would knock that off.'

"In a further effort to increase profits, control costs and satisfy shareholders, we've decided to steal stuff."

'I give this one about three months...'

"We offer a generous flex time policy - you can work your 90 hours per week any way you'd like."

'We've re-branded.'

'He's written some great slogans and some great labels, but he's never written a great coupon.'

XYZ Inc, putting a folksy, human face on unfettered corporate greed for over 50 years.

Desk plaque: 'P. Burnside, Upper-Echelon Nincompoop'

'If you have nothing to do don't come round here and do it.'

Coming Soon! More Stuff You Could Live Without!

"The Supreme Court says a corporation is a 'person?' Well, have you ever tried to take a corporation out for a nice, friendly beer?"

'What kind of a mission statement is that?'

"I believe it took a team of twenty five, working six months at a cost of �250, 000 to come up with that."