Brand Critic Gifts

"I can't eat these nutrition bars. They're for women."

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

"The leadership team wants a catchy acronym for a new social media app they're calling Functional Applied Relationship Tracker. Any suggestions?"

'That's our mission statement.'

'No, it's not really good - that's our lawsuits-to-earnings ratio.'

"The new chairman has dropped the brain-storming meetings."

"Would anyone like to question my downsizing proposal?"

'Let me see your portfolio of stolen ideas.'

"I can't decide. I'm having a brand identity crisis."

'We've just become the biggest corporation in America.. let's celebrate today and begin downsizing tomorrow.'

'An exxpert team set up a team of special consultants, that then set up a committee whose members asked their 7 year old kids. Now 14 months later they've concluded we're not efficient enough.'

"Well, either you're hopelessly optimistic or hopelessly short-sighted."

'Our problem is how to lower quality while raising prices...'

'I really wish you guys would knock that off.'

"In a further effort to increase profits, control costs and satisfy shareholders, we've decided to steal stuff."

'I give this one about three months...'

'We've re-branded.'

"We offer a generous flex time policy - you can work your 90 hours per week any way you'd like."

'He's written some great slogans and some great labels, but he's never written a great coupon.'

XYZ Inc, putting a folksy, human face on unfettered corporate greed for over 50 years.

Desk plaque: 'P. Burnside, Upper-Echelon Nincompoop'

'If you have nothing to do don't come round here and do it.'

Coming Soon! More Stuff You Could Live Without!

"The Supreme Court says a corporation is a 'person?' Well, have you ever tried to take a corporation out for a nice, friendly beer?"

"I believe it took a team of twenty five, working six months at a cost of �250, 000 to come up with that."

"Brandon isn't adapting well to the open office concept."

'Sorry, I can't give you a raise. However, I can offer you a splendid opportunity to share the profits.'

Suggestions box in a toilet.

"I think he's overreacting a little when it comes to controlling his employees."

"When we changed the company name, the stocks went through the roof!"

You can fool some of the people all of the time - "Send in some of the people, Dorothy."