Brainy Investor Gifts

Stock Market Psychology: 'Buy with the leftside of your brain, sell with the rightside!'

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

"I'm from brokers without borders. Invest in deserted island reits!"

'The bad news is it's all our client's money.'

"I've finally found a therapist who understands options."

DumbbellsSmartbells.

"I feel I'm doing fine. My sense of net worth is way up this quarter."

Dog training

Bank Loans - Thank you, I shall always be in your debt.

'I'm finally at one with the universe...but apparently that doesn't include the DOW.'

Nervous Student

"Stocks edged lower on the news there's more to life than the accumulation of material things..."

"Okay, it if makes you feel better...yes, I have stock in a banana company."

'I ink, therefore I am....', IF DESCARTES HAD BEEN A CARTOONIST

"To mediate properly, you need a mantra. How about 'Ka-Ching'?"

"I'd like these invested in an aggressive mutual fund."

Lost and Profound.

Markets and Marketabilityby Jane Austen

"The first thing we should do is get you two into a good mutual fund. Let me get out the 'Magic 8 Ball' and we'll fun some options."

Investments: We have locally grown stocks.

'That's Renfrew -- he's in charge of high-risk portfolios.'

'our chances seemed pretty good until you lighted that 20.'

"Let's see if I understand: your brain can't be upgraded with additional memory, and to make matters even worse, untold thousands of those brain cells die each day?"

The last of the Mom and Pop brokerage houses

Animal worries.

"You should consider buying."

Locally Grown Stocks, Farm Fresh CDs, Free Range Annuities.

"I crunched the numbers until cautiously opportunistic."

"Don't put your money into stocks. Bury it!"

'Do you mind if I take the rest of my session to get your input on investor psychology?'

'...but the good new is your old Enron stock has become a high-priced collectible!'

'Thank goodness we don't need profits in order to make piles of money.'

I was more a financial magician myself. I could make money disappear very easily.

Garage Sale: Assorted shares of stocks.

'Finzter, our newest investment adviser, believes that money can make you happy.'