Braggadocio Enthusiasts T-Shirts

"...and that one is a button for my coat."

'The good news is I had a very good year.'

'She's so put together!'

"Just give me your wallet. Trust me, you do not want to deal with my misplaced sense of entitlement."

A little bird told me...

"I'm more of a 'How Jen stays thin' person than a 'Why Jen won't let Brad alone' person."

Joe's 'Take Responsibility For Your Own Actions' Bar.

'It's a boy. He's healthy and coming along fine, but he may be a little crnkt at birth owing to his claustrophobia. He will have feminine tendencies but is not actually gay. In fact, he'll eventually develop a taste for hard liquor and trashy women...'

"C'mon people! All for me and me for me!"

'Does it bother anyone else that our entire business is based on one questionable product?'

"...and she said 'MOO!'"

"...our Annual Report has been criticised for lack of clarity - well done!"

"Or we could raise your profile by coming out with that pimple on the end of your nose."

'Who's the new guy?'

"You want to know why I drink?. . . I drink to forget!"

Every morning the office gossip was cascaded down...

'No need for pump action, Al - it's the wife.'

"Good evening several times and welcome to QI. As usual I'll be asking a series of quite interesting questions and some comedians will be doing a lot of knob and fart gags. It's a winning formula!" "Don't knock it. No one likes knockers!" "Speak for yourself!" "Was that an entendre? I'll have a double." "Mine's a large one!"

'John, I have to get going. Here's my views on politics, sports, and automobiles in case some of the boys come in later.'

"Our next contestant is Mildred and her specialist subject is "Other People's Business""

JET (Part I)

"Fancy dyeing your hair white so everyone could see it was you who played a shocker!"

'Vanity, thy name is Maple.'

Boardroom sacrifice - 'Then we agree - the shareholders don't have to know what transpired here today.'

Corporate Darwinism

"Boss, remember when you told me to start charging Sadie 'studio fees' for operating her radio show in the cafe?" "Well, I've got good news and bad news." "What's the good?" "She's agreed not to resort to violence." "I see. And the bad news?" "On today's 'Sadie Cohen Radio Show': Evil cafe owners who may or may not poison their customers."

"It was the unsubstantiated rumours that attracted me to you in the first place."

"Remember that lovely couple of scarlet macaws we met in Puerto Jiménez? They split up!"

"I just saw some confused old goat pee all over the bathroom floor." "That was a mirror. And that wasn't the bathroom."

“Rumor has it, it’s happy hour.”

"He's a real throwback. He does all his own publicity stunts."

"Well, at first I didn't like him. But then his creepiness just grew on me."

"He's only an associate but he's already reaping at a partner's level."

"Rest assured, anything you say in this office won't get repeated by me."

Pie chart of pub conversations