Boys Night In T-Shirts

'You'll be pleased to know that I'm staying in tonight,my love.

This cream won't get rid of cellulite...it just makes it easier to slide into your jeans.

"Gals, you know I hate being the center of attention, so for the next 45 minutes I am going to monologue about all the minute details of my wedding planning."

"I always thought I'd be good at getting drunk and crying on camera for Bravo."

Joe's 'Talent-Optional' Karaoke Bar

"Tonight I'm getting together with pals to sit around and croak."

"Pssst! I had some CGI done."

'I'm looking forward to parents' night. I'm going to ask these people their diet secrets.'

Playing cards.

"At our age we should be moisturizing." "Honey, we started years ago... with our lips."

"We'd love to come, but we can't seem to find a sitter."

"You're going to regret this in the morning."

Parent Involvement Tip #1

'I'm looking for male bonding, but I'm a little rusty.'

You have had enough

"Hey. We’re in the doghouse every night. That’s the beauty of it."

"Let's see now - have we got everything?"

"Your shout!"

"I'd like my son seated in the first row."

'Mind throwing him back? It's his round...'

Wide screen TV

"Glad I had a pretzel before leaving the house; I'd hate to drink all that on an empty stomach."

''Fancy a quick pint?'

"Let's have refreshments on parents' night. These people need nourishment."

"Hey! He must be watering down the beer.This is our fifth pint and we're still not talking rubbish."

Wife uses guillotine to trap husband sneaking in late at night.

"How was the cocktail, Sir, enough vodka?"

"We're not too concerned about him not graduating. We've only made it to tenth grade so we're already proud."

"Combining our favorite pastimes of drinking, fishing and hot tubbing makes me realize... we should stop drinking."

"The babysitter wants to know where you keep your vodka?"

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