Boutique Visiting T-Shirts

'Have you got one with smaller spots?'

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

Two women wearing identical dresses head toward exchange window at department store.

Pashminas are sooo noughties!

"Oh to be young and in love and wear things cut on the bias."

Mall Directory: You aren't here x - where the heck are you?

The practical psychopath

"Ikea for hippies" 1. Flimsig used pallets, old foam 2. Stinkum goat wool 3. Beetup recycled lumber 4. Riskig kerosene lamp 5. Stupor hand blown by Nils 6. Smokum found on beach in Mendocino 7. Woblig 100% driftwood

When Tia Carmen says... "I got it for a very good price!" it means...she stopped at a garage sale on the way home.

'They've certainly got designs on your purse!'

"It's black, but it's not New York black."

Glass and Porcelain Store: Elephants must remain outside.

"Some fitting room. Nothing fits!"

"It's the only way I can justify buying so many shoes."

Man browsing books see couple kissing in romance section of book store.

"I feel there's a whole culture around mules."

"I want that dressing-room mirror fired."

"'IF modom decides to change it' - don't you mean WHEN??"

"I'm looking for something that says country-but-only-an-hour-and-a-half-drive-from-the-city."

Crap others threw out

Mistaken identity.

We Never Look at Prices Shop.

Buy Back the Junk We Bought at Your Garage Sale

"It's all locally-sourced, made from scratch."

"This family-owned boutique wine is produced from a single grape."

Books 'n' Carrots

As models become skinnier, so do the mannequins.

Garage Sale (sign originally read 'Garbage' sale).

"I'm looking for a nice basic piece of clothing that can fulfill every need I have."

Books On Paper

"I shop to forget what I bought last year."

"I figured I've got the money so why not spend it."

"Hmm interesting Hallmark..."

"It's two sizes too big, but it fits."

I'm not buying a $25 set of boring hooded towels off a big box store baby shower registry. Mom fights the man! The local baby boutique will have a hipper selection. So true! Catch those adorable all-organic, artist-designed towels! Cute! And only $55 each! My pretentions are never cheap!