Boutique Visiting Pillows

'Have you got one with smaller spots?'

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

Two women wearing identical dresses head toward exchange window at department store.

Pashminas are sooo noughties!

"Oh to be young and in love and wear things cut on the bias."

Mall Directory: You aren't here x - where the heck are you?

The practical psychopath

"Ikea for hippies" 1. Flimsig used pallets, old foam 2. Stinkum goat wool 3. Beetup recycled lumber 4. Riskig kerosene lamp 5. Stupor hand blown by Nils 6. Smokum found on beach in Mendocino 7. Woblig 100% driftwood

When Tia Carmen says... "I got it for a very good price!" it means...she stopped at a garage sale on the way home.

"It's black, but it's not New York black."

'They've certainly got designs on your purse!'

Glass and Porcelain Store: Elephants must remain outside.

"Some fitting room. Nothing fits!"

"I feel there's a whole culture around mules."

Man browsing books see couple kissing in romance section of book store.

"I want that dressing-room mirror fired."

"'IF modom decides to change it' - don't you mean WHEN??"

We Never Look at Prices Shop.

"I'm looking for something that says country-but-only-an-hour-and-a-half-drive-from-the-city."

Mistaken identity.

Buy Back the Junk We Bought at Your Garage Sale

Garage Sale (sign originally read 'Garbage' sale).

"This family-owned boutique wine is produced from a single grape."

Books 'n' Carrots

"It's all locally-sourced, made from scratch."

"I'm looking for a nice basic piece of clothing that can fulfill every need I have."

As models become skinnier, so do the mannequins.

Books On Paper

"I shop to forget what I bought last year."

I brake for anything discarded that I can bring to the antiques roadshow.

Mall Ahead - Be prepared to shop.

"I can't believe I spent seven million dollars on tights."

"It's two sizes too big, but it fits."