Boutique Lover Gifts

"I want that dressing-room mirror fired."

'I remember when it was a row of quaint little coffee bars and boutiques.'

"It's black, but it's not New York black."

'Don't just sit there-there's an articulated lorry wants unloading outside!'

Does my bank account look big in this?

Cocktails on the verandah.

"It was better before God took up knitting."

The Missing Sock Returns

"Thank god I bought my layers."

Pashminas are sooo noughties!

"Oh to be young and in love and wear things cut on the bias."

Military Medals

"If I'd known we'd be this long wandering the wilderness I would never have worn these heels."

Early Piety

"I can't decide. I'm having a brand identity crisis."

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

Illustration from an Unpublished Novel

Abandoning the computer for a typewriter.

"If the economy's ground to a halt, we can help by carrying on shopping."

'A Ball at the Mansion House'

Marilyn Monroe - Spot the Difference

'Jerry's 'old school'.'

"Diamonds are so three billion years ago..."

An old-time engineer enters the cockpit on a flight.

'They've certainly got designs on your purse!'

Scarf puts hat back on.

"Are you looking to accentuate or camouflage?"

"Of course, I'm perfectly willing to pay my income tax, but I stayed home all day on the fifteenth, and nobody came."

'This is a wind-up, isn't it?'

'I know I complimented you on that outfit last time you wore it, but that was in 1980.'

"I feel there's a whole culture around mules."

Opening the Barrel

'French hypermarket' ' 5 English or less' till

'No, you can't just watch the end of Bargainhunt!'

"Amazing! It's the season of me!"