Bouffant Admirers Gifts

Man mugging women on the way out of the hairdressers using a hairdryer: 'Hand over the purse or the bouffant gets it.'

Scientists are sexy

"The invention of taxidermy."

"It's all locally-sourced, made from scratch."

'I'd prefer it if the view was closer.'

Ludwig von Beethoven

COMPAGNIE D'ASSURANCE DE PARIS, 'I can't believe you sold an insurance policy to NOSTRADAMUS!'

'I hope this surprise view is worth the climb!'

"Oh, Gary, they're beautiful!"

The caricature of Dorian Gray

How much for the lamp post?

'It's amazing they were able to evolve without any self-help books.'

'It's my latest invention. I call it 'Picture in a picture.'

"And, of course all our rockets come with a three second warranty."

Early man was a hunter-gatherer!

"Jeffrey makes all our furniture himself."

"Yo, novella!"

"You are late! The rabbit left half an hour ago!"

Say it with flowers

Tracey Emin's work My Bed, alongside Marcel Duchamp's urinal (titled Fountain). Duchamp referred to his works as 'readymades'. Emin's work is 'unmade'.

"Two beers and Beethoven's Fifth, please."

Wild Bill Hickok. Really wild Bill Hickok

Alan Bennett

Angling Competition

Adult prodigy: 'It's most extraordinary - and he's only 37.'

'On this stage tonight, The First Lady, The Princess, The Empress, The Maharani and The Mother Superior of country music!'

Armchair

Caveman with bigger club

Paris in Winter - Between eleven o'clock and midnight

"I mean, I believe that you are odd. You certainly qualify for oddness. But that may not be enough. It's a very tough world out there."