Bottle Aficionado Pillows

"You may not know this, but I've become quite the wine expert."

"This place has the best happy hour."

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

"A retired superhero's re-purposed utility belt"

Sauvignon Bonk

"Now I really hate poetry."

'We like the occasional drink on the patio.'

'Well, gotta get up early and start drinking again.'

'The way I see it, sobriety is a preventable, condition.'

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

'My luck, I buy a bottle of wine from 450 B.C. and it's still five years from reaching maturity.'

Join me in a Martini?

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

"Buy a man a six-pack, he drinks for a day. Teach him to brew, he drinks all his life."

"I'm afraid our drinking water isn't pure."

'He's holding a sign saying he's marooned with 20 cases of La Tache. A second sign: drop a corkscrew and come back in six months.'

"The note in the bottle said someone's stranded here, but where is he?"

You're the botanicals in my gin

Wine Selection 'Here we are. Our cheapest house wine. Would the gentleman care to smell the twisty cap?'

'Which wine goes best with 'the old man and the sea'?'

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

'Which wine list would you like, Sir - Classics or Plonk?'

'Your husband? He's just leaving...'

Trump Poutine

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

"It's kind of sweet when they're all settled in like this."

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

'I told him if he didn't get here quick he'd miss out on all the beer and food.'

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

"When I was a child, I drank like a child, but when I became a man I put away childish drinks."

"Grapes, Rye, Malt... I got into this through my vegetarianism."

"Jack Daniels-in-a-box"

"I make it myself!"

Al, why is my goldfish zigzagging? Perhaps sharing my beer with him was a case of misplaced generosity on my part.