Boss Critic Gifts

I've given you 110 for ten years, like you asked. Now I'm taking that year off that I've earned!

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'That's our mission statement.'

Come in, minion. What's up, boss? I'm writing a novel. It's a thriller about an intrepid caf

"We're looking for that perfect blend of vision, ambition and ethical ambiguity."

'No, it's not really good - that's our lawsuits-to-earnings ratio.'

"The new chairman has dropped the brain-storming meetings."

"Would anyone like to question my downsizing proposal?"

Even more of what people say (and what they really mean)

'Our problem is how to lower quality while raising prices...'

'We've just become the biggest corporation in America.. let's celebrate today and begin downsizing tomorrow.'

"Well, either you're hopelessly optimistic or hopelessly short-sighted."

'An exxpert team set up a team of special consultants, that then set up a committee whose members asked their 7 year old kids. Now 14 months later they've concluded we're not efficient enough.'

'I really wish you guys would knock that off.'

"In a further effort to increase profits, control costs and satisfy shareholders, we've decided to steal stuff."

'I give this one about three months...'

"We offer a generous flex time policy - you can work your 90 hours per week any way you'd like."

XYZ Inc, putting a folksy, human face on unfettered corporate greed for over 50 years.

Desk plaque: 'P. Burnside, Upper-Echelon Nincompoop'

"The Supreme Court says a corporation is a 'person?' Well, have you ever tried to take a corporation out for a nice, friendly beer?"

'If you have nothing to do don't come round here and do it.'

'What kind of a mission statement is that?'

"Brandon isn't adapting well to the open office concept."

'Sorry, I can't give you a raise. However, I can offer you a splendid opportunity to share the profits.'

Suggestions box in a toilet.

"I think he's overreacting a little when it comes to controlling his employees."

"Progress is going around in the same circle...but faster."

"When we changed the company name, the stocks went through the roof!"

Corporate Ethics Department, how may I help you?

You can fool some of the people all of the time - "Send in some of the people, Dorothy."

"Openness and transparency are a big part of our corporate mythos."

Someone needs to tell him that having Churchillian leadership skills requires more than a 10'' havana

'The question is - to what level of data do we wish to stoop.'

"At First Infidelity we're all about integrity...."

"The bad news is we've fired 80% of your office. The good news is we're fixing the coffee machine."