Bore-fighting Champion Pillows

"Terrible, I couldn't fall asleep no matter how hard I tried."

Check out the nice crawdads I have in the bait bucket, George.

"In my house, 'dirty dancing' means it's time to mop the floor."

'No swimming. No breathing.'

'I never get a good night's sleep. Thank God for these office meetings!'

'You've orbited the Earth in a NASA spacecraft! Wow! Me, I've jumped over the Moon...'

"First, I sent a rocket of a drive down the fairway, then I took the 7-iron, put that ball on the green...a hundred and eighty yards if it was an inch..."

Of pitting his own wits against their natural cunning

Family working together

'Do you want us to wait till the meat is completely burned or can we call the pizza service right now?'

"Billy's room gets cleaned for free! The cleaning service uses it to train employees how to clean a hazardous waste dump."

'He's not here right now. He's out pumping iron.'

Fashion Update Dryer Sheets

Men playing water football in barrels on a lake

Four fishermen catch the same fish.

"She leaves wooden-handled knives soaking in the dishwater all night long. Your Honor."

'When you've finished the washing up and you're certain you've cleaned absolutely everything... you'll always find another teaspoon.'

"I want an instant replay of you taking out the garbage."

"Right it's decided! We are both sober for October and Stoptober. Then Movember and Decembeard and Dry January, then..."

"Honest, Dad, somethin's wrong with the lawnmower." "You look fine to me. When you finish the lawn and pullin weeds feel free to wash the car and paint the house."

"Hey, the last thing I want to do is annoy you. That's actually ninth on my to-do list."

"I woke up early, took a shower, got dressed for work then remembered I don't work today."

"The last time we ordered take-out I was up all night doing laundry."

Sue believed that one day she would find her soul mate - and her missing sock.

Dating Agency: "I am looking for a man whose hobbies are, washing up, dusting and ironing."

There! What are the posters? Eco club is promoting walking, biking or bussing to school. That's a good way to save gas! I'm so glad you agree! I need a ride to get them to school!

"Yes, I can multi-task. Why do you ask?"

"Honest Dad, I was going to mow the lawn... But I can't find the lawnmower in here!"

I don't draw farts, but take it from me that one was from Skunksville.

"I'm helping Mom wash the dishes."

"What setting do I use for this?"

LAST WHACK-A-MOLE FOR 500 MILES.

"Hey - we could do with another light bulb. . !"

'...Then I swept down the staircase, into the ballroom.'

New broom