Book Discussion Warrior Gifts

"Walden'?! Are you insane? Do you have any idea how elusive transcendental philosophy is to a 13-year-old prepubescent juvenile delinquent?!"

Whats ticking away in YOUR filing system?

"That's five votes for In The Midst of Winter....three votes for The Hollow Ground....and, again, one vote for Moby-Dick."

"'Meetingpalooza' sounded better in the brochure."

There were originally four musketeers. He said that the pen is mightier than the sword.

Rita's PhD defense wasn't going well."

"You took that news with dignity and grace. I really wanted you to spaz out."

'You're on the shortlist. It's between you and the bloke who's going to get the job.'

"Yes, could you discuss the inspiration for the protagonist? Specifically, the motivations which propel the direction of his narrative?" "I would prefer not to." "Bartleby, the author."

"Put your phones on vibrate. Maybe they'll keep you awake."

"It's a great story, funny and entertaining - and better still it's not won a single prize for literature."

'And in conclusion.'

Frontispiece to 'The Pickwick Papers'

"Can I put in a claim for interview trauma compensation?"

'Then again - no pain, no gain.'

"Tell us something we don't know."

At Mary Higgins Clark's book club.

'What's a guy got to do to get a drink around here?'

'Yes, Frank. I'm sure you can make two hundred words out of just twenty six letters.'

'I know I've interviewed for this position last month, but since then I've hired a personal coach. I was thinking maybe a do-over interview.'

"Long time commenter, first time reader. . ."

'So, after much wailing and gnashing of teeth, the financial report is approved.'

'Thanks for coming in. Whoever gets the job will call you next week and let you know our decision.'

The Doomed Character

E-mail

The bipartisan election cycle: 'Every 2 years without fail, I perform my patriotic duty and vote the bums out.'

"Randy, if you were stranded on an island, what's the one book you'd want to have along with you?" "Easy: Blood Meridian by Cormac McCarthy. It's got the perfect heft to knock coconuts out of trees." "Well, I'd like to have How to Get Off an Island, by Archie Macguyver." "That title's actually a metaphor for overcoming shyness." "We really should have our own book review show."

"My novel? I've put it on hold. I'm writing my response in case I get asked to do on eof those 'How I write' columns..."

"Just when did you leave your last job?"

"What do you mean you're staying in with a good book?"

'I don't know anything about anything, but I'm great at looking stuff up!'

'I don't know about you, Tex, but I thought that the relationship between Elizabeth and Mr Darcy was darn tootin'.'

Contrary opinions matter

Why are you so hostile toward books? Um, where to start: The waste of paper, the lack of multimedia, the one-way nature of the medium. One-way? Authors stuff ideas down your throat. You can't interact with their ideas. You can't crowdsource the direction, or refine the plot or do anything active. You can't shoot anyone. Shoot? I might play a shooting app called Angry Books if the books you were destroying were cute.

"'When will the endless meetings stop?' Are you trying to get something done?!!!"