Book Bandits Gifts

'I don't like it... It's too quiet.'

"Lori, go ahead and toss in 'Lolita.' Now, what's next?" "We'll need more lighter fluid." "'The Lottery' is devils work." "We must protect the children." "Book burning club"

'I'm part of the decision-making process... I'm the 'No' part.'

'I'm moving up to be Chairperson of the Board. One of you will be President.'

'...So you claim this is genuine Rembrandt?'

White Collar Crime.

"O.K., one last big rhubarb score. But then I'm out of the pie game for good."

Book Thief in True Crime Department

Try to hold your audience's attention when giving a presentation.

"Let it go. I was thinking of taking early retirement anyway."

"I've got a lot of stuff, a ton of coupons, and I pay by check, so all you behind me...get comfortable!"

Crime

Menifee Madness

"I can destroy your bank of knowledge with one blast from my destructo-beam!"

Man completely bandaged leaves an eye uncovered so he can read.

Crime section.

Plagiarism

Round-the-world cyclist has world stolen

4 pm MEET THE COPYCAT AUTHOR

"Murder, eh? They nabbed me for bargain-hunting without a license."

The reason why moments like this are utterly wasted on advertising people...

'Hi, this is Wilbur Gurkenman, your real estate agent! I've found a single room apartment I think you can afford...'

"What about this book, boss?" "Yeah, get rid of it—it's got too many long words in it."

'Yes, yours is a myopic cell.'

Library Closures.

'No, Alex! This is our ‘A Penny For Your Thoughts' meeting. Stop throwing in your two cents worth!'

Horse racing is the only sport where a 3 year old can make an adult behave like a baby!

'Tell me the truth...does this dead body make me look fat?'

"Yes, Gary, I'm sure the school hasn't banned your math textbook. Now, go back to class."

Help! Sold Short - And Where Did It Get Me?

'I'm looking for some pre-owned pants. Long as they fit, I don't much care whose they were.'

"I've used 'Systemic Racism', 'White Privilege', 'Post-Racial Society' and 'Marginalized'"

Yard sale sign states: Profits Go 4 Gas.

After Office

"I really like the author's characterizations, and her dialog is witty and well paced. . . the ending threw me off though, I never would have guessed the killer was the stepson.£