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Needed Inventions: An Airbag To Protect The Viewer Against A Really Lousy Program.

'There's nothing on.'

'And now on the comedy channel Jose Mourinho's latest outburst.'

Star Wars Audience

"You need to lose 20 cable channels."

'Now that's Real TV!'

'Ready for your bonus, Bob?'

"I tried the C25k but prefer the 5k2C"

'But the good news is, I still get a big bonus.'

'If congress regulates obscene bonuses, isn't that a violation of the first amendment?'

'He ordered those 'natural male enhancements',and now he watches football all the time!'

"I watched a Lassie marathon today and realized that I really need to step up my game."

'Did I doze off for a couple of years? Since when did cupcakes become a big deal?'

"It drives me MAD when people whine about the amount top management get paid. . ."

'This potion will get you promoted but I can't guarantee a bonus.'

TV Watch(ing) Dog for sale.

'I don't believe in blind dates... the last time I got fixed up I got neutered.'

"This is why the doc said to not binge-watch the Eating Channel!"

Wordplay: Me.

'I wish I'd never seen Lost, now.'

'Confused about your future, depressed, lacking confidence, not sure who you can trust...I'd suggest you avoid any election news and watch modern family instead.'

"It's 100% commercials."

The ground cracking beneath a banker's feet because his bonus is so big and heavy.

"I never said I liked this show...I'm only enjoying it because you hate it."

A man watching t.v. with his skull hinged open to reveal the same man watching the same t.v. . . .

'Thanks for tuning in - we'll try to pander to you.'

English People With Servants Having Problems - On Demand

"Dinner will be ready soon, I hear the pizza truck rounding the corner."

"You seem very remote."

'This unexpectedly concludes tonight's program -- the sponsor bailed out.'

'Not another elimination show!'