Board Game Gourmet Pillows

Chess Chef

"Being raised in the city, Fred didn’t quite grasp the true purpose of a game camera."

"You're going to hate yourself."

"Yo, Eunice – don’t leave me hangin’."

"I told you playing Pin the Tail on the Donkey was a dumb idea."

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

"And I'm teaming that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager."

" 'Grrr' is not a word."

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

It turns out they don't go together so well,

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

'I'll have the bacon and hay wrap.'

'How about a game of cards?'

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

Sweep the board.

"This is Blackjack, come in Yahtzee."

To do before Saturday...

Too much cilantro

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

"The knights of the round accent table"

'OK, so I fumbled. Now can you cure it or not?'

The Main Types of Cheese

"Grass...Grass and more damn grass... What I wouldn't give for a lightly poached Dover sole with a garlic infused tarragon sauce."

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

"The numbers don't lie . . . but we do."

"... It's just that, when you said you had a couple of tickets to see the big game..."

"The recipe said to let the chicken rest after it comes out of the oven!"

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

'Is this still America?'