Blood-curdling Comedian Pillows

'But seriously , folks, I know you're out there, I can hear you bleeding!'

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

"I know, I know, every time we come here, I swear I'm going to try something new, but I always end up getting the same thing."

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

What say we rough it today and go without ice in our drinks!

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

Another day at work would be one too many...

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

“...And on the ninth day God created mosquitoes, just to annoy the hell out of everyone.”

Rap music

"I chose to stand up to special interest groups!"

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

Toy plane with pilot eject.

A private jet takes off

"He's declared it an area of natural beauty"

'When you said you had an investment in gold, you didn't mention it was in your teeth!'

'Well, if nothing else, Brad, your wine selection does prove you have a sense of humor.'

'After the tone, please leave your name and number.'

'Shall we bother with the sweet, chubby-chops?'

Exit Next Left

"Over millions of years, carbon turns to diamond. Yet it took dad plus his grill mere minutes to turn last night's marinated chicken into that carbon."

'That's funny, everybody else is going downstream.'

"Your mother and I think it's time you got a place of your own. We'd like a little time alone before we die."

Clubbing

"Do we really need the interactive garbage disposer?"

“Pottery Classes – Give it a Whirl!”

Ostrich's head buried into a pile of sand containing a woman

Car leaving highway crashes through 'EXIT HERE' sign.

Midwest Winter Items.

"Don't think of this birthday as you're getting older. Think of it as being one day closer to irritable bowel syndrome."

'What did I SAY to DAVE?' - A person with hangover worrying about the night before.

Mo's Meet The Predators Safari Tours.