Blind Humor Fan Pillows

'Well, if a dog's going to beg, that's the way to do it.'

"And this song goes out there to any girl who might consider sleeping with me."

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

'-and you're living proof that ALL men are not born equal, runt!'

Murder in Apartment 6-K

Apple Pie Abduction

A Golden Non-Retriever

"Grapes, Rye, Malt... I got into this through my vegetarianism."

Winter Weather.

Boomerang cow.

'Too many people in our state are overweight, Senator. They want fat-free pork.'

'I'm afraid I'll fall and no one will hear me.'

"Aaaaugh! It's the Zombie Alpacalypse!"

"We should have done more to bring all the things we were trying to get away from."

'I've had a few short stories published, but I'd really like to write 'the Great American How to Write a Novel.''

'It's a shame you didn't get to use all those little blue pills before Ted died.'

"That's what I love about social media. I can have connections with thousands of people and yet still be completely isolated and alone."

Franz Kafka

'I let my merit badges do the talking.'

Operation Chrome Dome.

"Percy Shattock, Page Three Girls...1979 to 1986."

Mary Margaret, the best bar nun.

Today I am trying to grow a bit of beard...

'Notice the nice safety feature...crash-proof bumpers!'

"Oh boy, by the way this guy is moving, we can assume he's got some of our friends in his pants..."

'Ask your doctor if getting your fat butt off the couch might be right for you!'

'Elroy had an unfortunate knack for picking fights with the wrong people'

"My reflexes are not what they used to be: This is how I catch birds now..."

"Once you break through the plastic clamshell and blister packs, there won't be any packaging left!"

'If you want produce grown on the farm down the road you'll have to go to Kuala Lumpur.'

"Do I look like a wise man to you?"

'This photo is hardly suitable for your misery memoir.'

'Separate rooms please, we're on our second honeymoon.'

Excess Baggage: If your vacation plans include 'getting back to nature', but careful what you wish for.

"Apparently 'the vest' is making a comeback..."