Blind Dating Survivors Gifts

'Yes, I know you sent me your photo before we met. But, I just assumed it was out of focus.'

"I said, 'You must be waiting for 'Mr. Right,' too.'"

"Your profile said you were a dog."

"Monsieur has just ordered a vasectomy..."

"On the internet nobody knows you're a dog, but in person..."

'Yeah, but this time she just said no -- there wasn't any hysterical laughter!'

'I don't believe in blind dates... the last time I got fixed up I got neutered.'

"A high forhead can often be a sign that they've stolen a really big brain."

"You're not at all like your answering machine."

"You have to get up early tomorrow, too? We have so much in common!"

Tunnel of lurve

As luck would have it the hunchback's blind date turned out to be a hunchbelly!

"Here's one - 'Few-bricks-short-of-a-load seeks One-our-out-of-the-water.'."

"I knew I should've swiped left."

'It was disgusting, Sheila...Our first date, and he pulls out his endpin!'

"Online I said I was 'blond and curvy', I didn't say I was a woman!"

'Are you fit, attractive male...?'

'You must be Olivia.'

Some blind dates work out just fine.

"Once again, Dave blew the date when his instincts got the better of his etiquette."

"Your blind dates is at the bar - I'll upgrade you to a table by the getaway door."

"When you said on your profile you are 'loyal and affectionate' I expected something a little different."

"Your Facebook page said nothing about you being a dung beetle!"

"Yes, when we chatted online you did tell me that you had a ponytail, but...

Rudy, I went out on a date last night. It was a miserable failure. Sorry. As my employee, you've seen me day in and day out. You know me better than anyone. Rudy, do I, your boss and sole source of income, have some personality flaw? Or did the fault lie with my date. Feel free to speak candidly. Mother.

"Are you 'Athletic, bronzed male, early thirties seeking buxom, fun-loving younger female'?"

"You had me at hell..."

'It is so nice going out with a man who isn't weird.'

'Your profile said you were tall, dark, and mysterious.'

'Your blind date reminded you of a TV star?, 'Yeah -- I think he was wearing Columbo's raincoat.'

Geek Todd Jones strikes out with his 3000th wiman to take over third place on the all time geek strikeout list.

"You'll like Dave, Carol...He's good looking, drives a BMW, and if things don't work out he makes enough money to pay a very generous alimony!"

Love from the Heart

"Sure you remember me. I'm the guy who collapsed here last night... right in front of your... and had to be rushed to the hospital."

Things you don't want to hear on a blind date.