Blasphemy Buster Gifts

"To hell with you, too."

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

A man sprays his bald head with "Spray Hair" to make it seem as thought he has hair.

"Must we have ten minutes blasphemy every night?"

The Expert

"He really hates all the fake news!!"

'That's part of the reason for our problem. We lost the key to the door.'

Fake News - Tabloid News - State-run News - Free Press

'Judge Mental.'

'Will you stick to the script!!!'

Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Sebum! I think you'll love this property on the left side of the chin. It's a wonderful place to start a pimple."

"Would you look at the carrot on that guy!"

"We're looking for someone just like you but with testicles."

"Fake it till you make it, baby."

"What do you mean, 'There can be no ethics without fear of God'?! Look at me - all ethical and shit!"

Barman and drinker glare at man at bar ? sign says : 'Thank you for NOT saying 'At the end of the day'..''

'At the end of last week's program I enjoined our viewers to have a good day. Now, on the advice of counsel, I wish to retract that statement.'

Dart player with long darts. 'Look, rules are meant to be broken, aren't they?'

The Best Defense for Trump's Wall

"It isn't just the media that's biased... often the voters are too."

'Come out of that cupboard. If you can't stand up to the class bully, who will? After all, you are the Headmaster...?'

Warning.

Holy Water and Ice Blocks

'Come back lads, it's 'armless.'

Bad Scalp Day

"Stupid bullies. I would try to defend myself – but what if I lose? Who would cover my legal expenses?"

'That's actually a common misconception. The truth is we can go eight days without water, but only if we drink a lot of other stuff...you know, like apple juice.'

Cut down your own tree.

'You know, you're really screwing with my preconceived notions.'

"Remember, when I called for an appointment, I told you I had this huge fear of falling."

'Have you considered short-term treasury's?'

Freshman Ronnie Klumpf wisely outfitted himself with a wedgie deterrent system.

"You went to college? That's Amazing! You must be the first in your family."

'Don't worry about those craters. Photoshop can take care of them."

"White...male...middle class...you'll do."