Blackboard Jokester Gifts

Make your resolutions achievable.

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

"Shall we start with an icebreaker?"

'It's a difficult job, he needed a bigger than average 'stress ball'.'

"Can't you do something more creative than messing around with cupboard doors?"

"A dozen eggs and a pint of semi-skimmed...Sorry, looks like I left my presentation in my other coat."

'Got to admit,as far as mission statements go, it's pretty damn bold.'

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

'The cash bonus incentives don't appear to be having the desired results. So, I've hired Rocky, here. He'll be providing the heads of the least productive departments with his own brand of incentive. If you know what I mean.'

"I was going to play the Moonlight Sonata, but I forgot the key."

Laptop Dancing.

Chritmas Party - "What in our own time?"

Clowns in the board room: 'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to, well, pie.'

"Personally, I'd like to hire you, Mike, but the company has some serious concerns about your core competencies!"

'I recognize the face ... I just can't pin down the name.'

'Hey, what happened to my cookies?'

'We like your style, but hate your substance.'

"And this is my junior partner, my son, Ira."

'Tell your boss we represent an independent watchdog committee.'

'Everybody on the internet now knows I'm a dog, so I'm pretending to be a cat.'

STRIP Hambone: Businessman in hospital with his computer

'Don't disturb me - I'm in conference!'

Corporate Ladder and Corporate Elevator

"Make sure the coffee has extra caffeine. I want the employees awake during overtime."

"I've edited your Wikipedia entry again, Sadie. You're about to be inundated with phone calls from the press." "Whatever, geek-boy." "You're now the world's foremost authority on Turkey leprosy, the disease that's threatening to ruin the holidays." "No one'll believe that." "Oh yeah? I wrote a Wikipedia page for Turkey leprosy, too, along with examples of all the historical figures it's killed, such as the Archduke of Crushistan." "There is no 'Crushistan.'" "I've written a Wikipedia entry for C

"The good news is we've used up all our bad ideas."

'When I say we all need to make sacrifices, I, of course, didn't mean us.'

"My boss had security escort me out of the office today. I'm worried this means I won't be getting a bonus."

"If you really want to get ahead you'll need to stop licking your own butt and start licking mine."

"First, we'll look for repressed memories of malpractice suits."

'I think our only choice at this point is to take the next big step.'

'Thank you, Leo. Nothing like a roar to get us going in the morning.'

'Eureka! After months of research and formulating algorithms, I've done it... I've discovered the secret to 'being cool'!'

'So, paternity leave problem solved then?'

"Who's your daddy corporation?"