Black Market Buff Mugs

'And it even has your name on the pocket.'

Two criminal street vendors

The day the stock market went UP.

Large Dollar Sign Office Block

'I'm sorry I missed your recital. Daddy was on the phone with his broker, checking on bond yields. It's another form of bonding, son.'

"I wouldn't stand there, if I were you."

'He'll love this cologne. It has the scent of an undervalued stock.'

'Money, I'm home!'

"I told you everyone would come as a bull or a bear..."

'Mr Sims, in honor of your portfolio, we're flying our flag at half-mast.'

'I just checked my portfolio and it's worth a small fortune. Unfortunately, I started with a large fortune.'

America's funniest investment scams

'He said his first words today - 'dividend reinvest'.'

'You're beat. Maybe you need to wake up to a better morning news team.'

Last painting of a dog for 200 yd

Spiv

"That's the shoestring I started with. It was tied around 100 million dollars worth of stocks and bonds."

"Buy low, sell high. That's all I know about the birds and bees, Harland."

'Believe it or not there actually was a time when we accepted money for executing trades up to 5,000 shares.'

Stock market recession strategy.

'If you wanted to become rich, you shouldn't have become a doctor. You should have become an investment counselor.'

'Pssst! How do we go about telling him we're interested in growth stocks?'

Little Investment on the Praire

"...The Euro has just taken a sharp fall against the bank of toy town."

'Of course I'll charge you 8,- for an empty glass of scotch. Never heard of bear sales, sir?'

STRIP Hambone: Money market warning indicator

'With the longest run on Wall Street in modern times, our next speaker needs no introduction.'

'I'm a bear in name only. My investment strategy is strictly bullish!'

'The market's been all over the place, today.'

'Read an investment book that changed my life...please help.'

'Honey! Great news! There's a new ETF!'

'In corporate financial news, smoke up 12, mirrors down 14...'