Black Market Buff Pillows

'And it even has your name on the pocket.'

Two criminal street vendors

The day the stock market went UP.

Large Dollar Sign Office Block

'I'm sorry I missed your recital. Daddy was on the phone with his broker, checking on bond yields. It's another form of bonding, son.'

That Awkward Moment When You Discover That Wall Street's Insanity Is Helping You

"I wouldn't stand there, if I were you."

You invested in Facebook?! How could you? That bugs you? You, of all people, are mad that the FTC is suing Meta Platforms in an antitrust case? No, I mean how can you afford to invest? If you can afford to buy stock, then I pay you way too much. It was only $40! Quiet, I'm calculating your pay cut.

'He'll love this cologne. It has the scent of an undervalued stock.'

'Mr Sims, in honor of your portfolio, we're flying our flag at half-mast.'

'Money, I'm home!'

"I told you everyone would come as a bull or a bear..."

'I just checked my portfolio and it's worth a small fortune. Unfortunately, I started with a large fortune.'

'Harold took the advice of the 'experts' and only invested in things he understood, which is why our portfolio consists entirely of Anheuser-Busch and Phillip Morris.'

America's funniest investment scams

'Don't let our profits go south. You know what I'm like when we get in the RED!'

'He said his first words today - 'dividend reinvest'.'

'You're beat. Maybe you need to wake up to a better morning news team.'

Last painting of a dog for 200 yd

'If you wanted to become rich, you shouldn't have become a doctor. You should have become an investment counselor.'

Stock market recession strategy.

'Believe it or not there actually was a time when we accepted money for executing trades up to 5,000 shares.'

"Buy low, sell high. That's all I know about the birds and bees, Harland."

"That's the shoestring I started with. It was tied around 100 million dollars worth of stocks and bonds."

Spiv

'Pssst! How do we go about telling him we're interested in growth stocks?'

Little Investment on the Praire

'The market's been all over the place, today.'

'I'm a bear in name only. My investment strategy is strictly bullish!'

STRIP Hambone: Money market warning indicator

'Of course I'll charge you 8,- for an empty glass of scotch. Never heard of bear sales, sir?'

"...The Euro has just taken a sharp fall against the bank of toy town."

'With the longest run on Wall Street in modern times, our next speaker needs no introduction.'

'Read an investment book that changed my life...please help.'

'Honey! Great news! There's a new ETF!'