Bizarre Beauty Chaser T-Shirts

"Outré or simply bad?"

"I wish I had her jewelry." "I wish I had his wife." "I wish I had her figure." "I wish I had his money."

Could you see anything in her? I certainly couldn't! (Man's eyes are popping out of his head).

"Can he call you back? He and his mid-life crisis are celebrating their tenth anniversary."

Cosmetics. Helps get rid of crow's feet.

"Botox."

"I can Botox it, but I don’t want to freeze up my sixth chakra."

"Now how did she know?"

She. 'Isn't it a pretty view?' Susceptible Youth. 'Awfully pretty, by Jove!'

"Getting a Brazilian has been nothing like I expected."

Skinhead guppy.

"I've looked at their viewer profiles and if we watch this channel we'll be 20 years younger."

Analysis of Beauty - Plate I.

'Mirror mirror on the wall who's the fairest one of all considering her age?'

"This will make the man in your life wonder where you went."

"You've taken those hideous curlers out, had a scrub up, shaved your legs. Looks like it's your lucky night babe."

Veni, Vidi, Vici, Mani, Pedi.

"I'll bet you'd like me if I had curly hair."

"Ready now, Miss Henderson."

"I told you she'd had some work done."

'It's the least I can do. I don't have enough money to get cloned.'

Primavera (Spring)

Idealized portrait of a rooster.

Cosmetic surgeon tells Ugly Duckling: 'Of course, there's a POSSIBILITY that you are a swan, but do you want to take that risk?'

"I'm old. What's good for that?"

Unnecessary Surgery

"Sorry mate - I can't come to the pub after the match because I've got to embarrass myself filming an advert for moisturiser."

'Morag darlin', they've made you look like a hundred dollars!'

"I'm on Fendi and Prada, and heading toward Louis."

'They had a special at the tan salon today-- buy a full body spray tan, get a free air-brushed wizard painting!'

"Supersize me."

'Plastic Surgery, come as you are and leave as you wish'