Birdwatcher's Twist Pillows

"All I get is a bird's eye view."

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"The fish sticks here are very good."

Bird feeding chick that is nesting in a knight's helmet

"Honey, you're spoiling that child."

Intelligent people laugh too!

They try, but those crows can't make noises they used to. The lost caws!

"Wait—did you procure that worm humanely?"

'Bob, I know you're a Mockingbird, but a few compliments every now and then would greatly help your marriage...'

"Sure my wings flap 70 times per second-- I've been sipping nectar all day."

"You're worried about salmonella? We're vultures for cripes sake!"

'Some of these trees have been here for 2000 years... and they still can't talk. Man, we're awesome!'

"Um, Larry? That’s not a quail."

'Hon? Did your phone go dead? Hello?'

"Two vegans, please."

Vegetarian Birds

"I'd kill for a fresh fruit fritter."

"Do you know any other songs besides the theme to The Andy Griffin Show?"

"Migration ruins my 10,000 steps."

'Well, thanks, but we have no need of a Divorce Lawyer: We're Lovebirds you see...'

"That's it, Tom. Here they come. Just keep playing 'Freebird.'"

'It's a blonde, long-legged species with a melodious voice and it goes south for the winter.'

"If we only repeat what humans say whenever they're nearby... they won't realize we're aliens plotting to take over the planet."

Bird Torture.

'Humans are so considerate: They put perches like these for us on every one of their houses...'

Beaver tower

'You head south without me. I'll be fine.'

Trick or Tweet

"Yes, it's a safe: I was fed up with my winter provisions being raided by freeloaders!"

'Hey, want to go to the beach ...I mean ...the birdbath?'

Birds Following Witch.

Do you have to play air guitar every time we sing?

'There's too many of us... I'm going to start forming a 'W'.'

'Honey, bring the camera, he's standing on one leg!!!'

'Mom and dad...if someone threw a rock at me, it would really be like killing two birds with one stone.' 'I told you if we had a child, he'd be a wise-quacker.'