Bird Pun Fan Pillows

'That's a quack-quack'. Ornithological conference.

"Don't forget to leave me a wakeup call so I can get the worm!"

'Goodness, no Doctor, my husband is not calling you any insulting names. He's a duck and that's the only word he knows.'

"He also barks, meows and makes noises like a hamster."

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozak.

Chicken Little Inc. Pecking Order.

'Justin, this isn't what I meant when I said we could make out like bandits.'

"You love anything tacky, don't you?"

Cupid misses his shot.

Office supplies - Notebooks, memo pads and rap sheets.

'You've got swine flu and I think it's begun to mutate.'

"I'm the bluebird of PMS. Fetch me some decaf and turn on the air conditioner. I'm burning up in here!"

"Wanna get pigeon holed?"

"This isn't what I had in mind, when you said you were going to buy me some waterfront property."

'Ouch! I'm glad I didn't lay him.'

To keep cool in the summer, Victor installed a whole-house flan.

"Bird of paradise, my ass."

"The deal looks cut and dried to me but Haskins smells a rat."

Turkey Farm Inc: 'And guess what you get for a Christmas bonus?'

'Isn't it about time for our seventh-year stretch?'

"I haven't been fond of humans since one of them coined the phrase, 'in the soup'."

Sir Isaac Newton discovers even more gravity.

Wordilly Durdillies - A cow putt

"I'm very proud of the grade A's, son, but what about these grade B smalls?"

'Culled?! That's a relief...I thought you said we were gonna be killed!'

'Satchel, I have a hunch...'

"Father Michael has a wicked sense of humour."

Tightrope Walker Over-Balances.

"Note to self...'NICE APPS' is not a good opening line."

'I don't think much of the punchline.'

"So how often do you have these dreams about the axe?"