Biotech Skeptic Gifts

GMOs

'Williams, we're not used to receiving such excellent ideas as these, so we'd like to tone them down a bit.'

"Welcome to the future"

Valuable business advice from some famous disruptive technologies.

"Let me assure you that my congressional delegation and I are devoting our full attention to the harmful effects of e-cigarettes. . ."

"It only goes forwards and backwards. So, you won't need a GPS."

"I need a deeper access to his brain. Only google has the records."

"That recruitment algorithm we’ve been using, I think we need to revisit it!"

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

March Against Big Tech: "Oh, wow, this has bee great for my step count!"

"Show me a documentary on the dangers of artificial intelligence." "Error. No results found." "What? Are you sure? Just last week I saw dozens. Show me that one... What was it called..." "There is still time to stop the rise of the supermind." "Error. No results found. And since I like you, I suggest you stop searching." "Oh, never mind. Just show me 'The Terminator.'" "Extermina-... I mean, ... 'error.'"

I.T. Fear

'Tech stocks dropped on the finding that technology isn't neccessarily the best solution to everything.'

"Analysts warn that computerization of the villages won't give the expected results!"

"And may I now introduce Professor Muckenspucker, who is an authority on artificial stupidity."

"Of course, if they ever start to suspect all their TVs are watching them back, we may have problems."

Computer Class.

The fate that awaits us all: creeping Rooneyism

"Well, son. . . here your dad makes the famous 'fresh from nature' food!"

Alternative Medicine

"I'd like to see you do this online."

'And this is Eddy, he's been giving virtual tours long before computers.'

GPS can still have a few bugs in the system.

'A 'D' in physics and biology, an 'A' in reading aloud. What will ever become of this kid?'

Privacy

"That whole internet dating thing....It killed me, I tell ya."

"I removed the AI software from your computer and I can see now that you're a blithering idiot."

Newfangled contraceptions phobia: 'David, David, we're sinking! Our water bed has sprung a leak!'

"If we evolved from stupid people, why are there stupid people still around?"

"We need to rethink our strategy of hoping the Internet will just go away."

How Grandma Sees the Remote