Biological Family Pillows

'Mom, Dad, I'm going to look for my real parents.'

"We found the poor thing stranded on the beach last summer and decided to adopt it."

"My granddaughter's first words to me were 'OK, Boomer.' I have no idea what that even means."

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

"Have you been on the moon again, young man?"

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

Knock on the door - dog stands up and shouts 'Beat it!'

Cry babies.

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

'Well, it's your fault for wearing my slippers.'

"Look Mommy, hat!"

"There was no other choice, Mom. It was a double dog dare."

The Baby Walker

A baby duck in a tiny car seat on the mother duck's back.

'..and we thank thee for these bio-engineered vegetables..'

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

Licensed Therapist

"Studies show that children of immigrants are more likely to to take advanced math and science courses and more likely to take advanced placement tests in preparation for college."

'Ahhh...'

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

My First Camera

"The water changes them back into babies. I think they call it the Fountain of Youth."

"I'm sorry, Ms. Cole is busy balancing family and career. Can I take a message and have her call you back?"

"Any idea how long your family might be visiting?"

DO Not Disturb (Except For Meals)

'Honey, where's my cell phone?'

Pregnant lady being greeted by foetus.

Impressing dad.

'They don't understand goo-goo-gah-gah. Dumb it down to WHAAAAAH!'

"You mustn't pull the cat's tail so hard it tugs the head inside, sweetie!"

Mom! Don't call me abominadorable in front of my friends!

'Hi hon! How's the little monster?'

'He has your nose and my ears.'