Bingo Humorist Gifts

"Never bring a dog inside named 'Bingo'."

"I’ve combined all your outstanding debt into what we here in the banking business like to call a honkin’ big loan."

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

"Eww - that whale's breath smells awful!" "You could use a breath mint yourself, lady!"

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

"Honey, where did you put my Green Lantern cufflinks?!"

Grim Reaper Buying CDs...

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

'I'm no expert, but I think we're a little behind when it comes to the latest industry technology.'

Bingo night.

'Mom, Dad... we found out that in a previous life, Sheila was a dog and I was a tree. That's why we decided to marry to continue this promising relationship!'

"Pendleton, as of noon today your services will no longer be required. Meanwhile, keep up the good work."

'Oh dear, what a shame - It's raining again, Pam!'

"All this online learning sort of makes you miss the head lice days, huh?"

"I'm thinking of leaving these crowded condos and going to a place that's been deserted for years...the mall."

"....And the weatherman said it was going to be a hot one today so take it easy and stay hydrated..."

'I'm writing a vegetarian cook book.'

A dog dressed as a cowboy leans against a sign that reads "Armed response".

"You sure you don't want any Pi?"

'Eh, love. The one armed bandit at the end of the bar isn't working.'

"It's right here in the brochure: 'Be sure to tip your fishing guide.'"

'How much are your upside-down cakes? 99p.'

Come back in, no one will laugh at you.

'We can't serve you the businessman's lunch because you don't look the business type.'

"The tricky bit is finding some UK infrastructure that's working to switch it off."

'Hey! I just started my James Patterson novel and I'm on chapter 97!' 'You read 20 pages already?'

"There's a programme about people watching TV on the other channel."

'He always said he wouldn't be seen dead with his shirt outside his trousers - he'll be livid.'

"Maybe Earth's primordial soup did contain polyester."

'He followed me home. Can I keep him, mum? Can I?'

"Sorry, but you're a loan risk."