Bingo Humorist Gifts

"Never bring a dog inside named 'Bingo'."

"I’ve combined all your outstanding debt into what we here in the banking business like to call a honkin’ big loan."

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

Grim Reaper Buying CDs...

"Honey, where did you put my Green Lantern cufflinks?!"

"Eww - that whale's breath smells awful!" "You could use a breath mint yourself, lady!"

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

'I'm no expert, but I think we're a little behind when it comes to the latest industry technology.'

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

Bingo night.

'Mom, Dad... we found out that in a previous life, Sheila was a dog and I was a tree. That's why we decided to marry to continue this promising relationship!'

"Pendleton, as of noon today your services will no longer be required. Meanwhile, keep up the good work."

"I'm thinking of leaving these crowded condos and going to a place that's been deserted for years...the mall."

'Oh dear, what a shame - It's raining again, Pam!'

"All this online learning sort of makes you miss the head lice days, huh?"

'I'm writing a vegetarian cook book.'

"....And the weatherman said it was going to be a hot one today so take it easy and stay hydrated..."

"You sure you don't want any Pi?"

A dog dressed as a cowboy leans against a sign that reads "Armed response".

'Eh, love. The one armed bandit at the end of the bar isn't working.'

Now Hiring. Artificial Intelligence & Research Lab. "Artificial Intelligence"? Great! I'd be a real asset to your project since I'm not as intelligent as I look!

"It's right here in the brochure: 'Be sure to tip your fishing guide.'"

'Hey! I just started my James Patterson novel and I'm on chapter 97!' 'You read 20 pages already?'

"The tricky bit is finding some UK infrastructure that's working to switch it off."

"Well I got a dog because I wanted to spend more time brushing hair off my clothes, and picking up poop."

'He followed me home. Can I keep him, mum? Can I?'

Battleship Bingo Night.

Come back in, no one will laugh at you.

"Sorry, but you're a loan risk."

"In light of current market conditions, I've diversified your portfolio to include Lotto tickets and bingo chips."

'He always said he wouldn't be seen dead with his shirt outside his trousers - he'll be livid.'

'How much are your upside-down cakes? 99p.'

"There's a programme about people watching TV on the other channel."