Bill Payer's Best Friend Pillows

"No need to rush down - it's only the gas bill."

"Our light bill is astronomical living next to a black hole."

'You forgot to pay the gravity bill, didn't you?'

'Your cat scan looks fine, your pet scan looks fine, your MRI looks fine, but your insurance reimbursement doesn't look fine.'

"I charge by the grain."

'This one's called 'unpaid electric bills'.'

"Remember to round each billable hour off to the nearest week."

"Wow. That guy on psychic chat line is really good. He told me our next phone bill would be bigger than usual!"

"If it makes you feel any better, I'm pretty sure you're single-handedly keeping the U.S. postal service in business."

'Okay you can get dressed. That will help me determine the billing.'

'He's playing 'Doctor'.'

'Open wide.' 'Your wallet.'

"It's a great invention, but what if it leads to UTILITY BILLS?"

Is there any history of not paying medical bills in your family? M.D.

"My doctor told me to avoid any unecessary stress, so I didn't open his bill."

"The Bank has returned the rent cheque marked 'Insufficient funds', but it doesn't say whether that's them or us!"

'His insurance company said it does not cover self-inflicted accidents.'

'Bypass? This is more like a bill for an overpass!'

"Warren serves as my aggregator."

'Poor me. . . pour me a drink!'

'We've had our new simplified gas bill!'

'Tell me if this hurts.'

"Alrighty, let's work out that copay."

'A lot of this has been going around. It comes from wondering who's going to pay for health insurance.'

R. Wickert: Born at Home, Died at Home, Home Schooled. . .

"It's something from the gas company. Don't they know it takes more than bold red font, to move me to respond. I need to be wooed, fawned over. After all, I'm more than a checkbook."

'We've upgraded your position from critical to costly.'

Billy strip: paying bills with a smile.

Dual Fuel Bill in Hell

'I have a terrible fear of paying bills.'

"Final demand! Does that mean they'll stop pestering us?"

Island Rent Due.

"I've consolidated all our bills into one missed payment."

"I think the plumber wants his bill paid!"

"Did you pay the gravity bill?"