Medical Billing Buster Pillows

'We've upgraded your position from critical to costly.'

'Your cat scan looks fine, your pet scan looks fine, your MRI looks fine, but your insurance reimbursement doesn't look fine.'

Invoice: 'That's good laughter is the best medicine.'

'You may have an adverse reaction when I administer this. It's your medical bill.'

We charge $500 for every nook and $1,200 for every cranny during diagnosis.

"If it's an expensive surgery, we now implant a GPS tracking device for the hospital's collections department."

"No, I didn't say, 'health'. I said I'm concerned about your wealth... Can you afford to pay my bill?"

'Serves you right, just tearing open the charge card bill and reading it like that!!'

My definition of 'quality time?'...charging $500 per hour.

"The initial test results are in and you have excellent coverage."

'We're moving you from intensive care to intensive billing.'

"I'm ready. Are you ready? Let the billing begin!"

'The biopsy is tiny, but it will cost you an arm and a leg.'

"I told you we were being stitched up. This consultant's bills are outrageous."

"Remember the longer the jury stays out the more the more hours I have to bill."

'The good news is that you'll be able to continue working and pay my bill.'

"You'll be out of here before you know it. Our auditor just went over your financial situation."

"He's had several billing procedures named after him."

'Okay you can get dressed. That will help me determine the billing.'

'He's playing 'Doctor'.'

"Well, you helped me with my initial health issue, but now I've got headaches from dealing with billing and insurance!"

"Doctor Wilson believes in preventive financing, so regardless of your insurance, fill out this loan application form."

"It's elective surgery. Shouldn't I get a discount for the time you save not dealing with insurance forms?"

"I have good news if you have insurance. Bad news, if you don't."

"The doctor will bill you now."

'His insurance company said it does not cover self-inflicted accidents.'

'Bypass? This is more like a bill for an overpass!'

"Oh, the doctor does keep up. He gets accounting magazines on the latest billing methods."

"I can't wait until we convert to electronic health records. Carry these is giving me backache."

"Of course it's hard to understand. They wouldn't be billing 'codes' , if they were easy to decipher."

'Are these billable hours?'

'Tell me if this hurts.'

'Don't pay the doctor...'

"Reimbursements are still shrinking - billing sent us the latest payment to read."

"Alrighty, let's work out that copay."