Medical Billing Buster Pillows

'We've upgraded your position from critical to costly.'

'Your cat scan looks fine, your pet scan looks fine, your MRI looks fine, but your insurance reimbursement doesn't look fine.'

Invoice: 'That's good laughter is the best medicine.'

'You may have an adverse reaction when I administer this. It's your medical bill.'

We charge $500 for every nook and $1,200 for every cranny during diagnosis.

"No, I didn't say, 'health'. I said I'm concerned about your wealth... Can you afford to pay my bill?"

"If it's an expensive surgery, we now implant a GPS tracking device for the hospital's collections department."

'Serves you right, just tearing open the charge card bill and reading it like that!!'

"The initial test results are in and you have excellent coverage."

My definition of 'quality time?'...charging $500 per hour.

'We're moving you from intensive care to intensive billing.'

"I'm ready. Are you ready? Let the billing begin!"

'The biopsy is tiny, but it will cost you an arm and a leg.'

"I told you we were being stitched up. This consultant's bills are outrageous."

'Okay you can get dressed. That will help me determine the billing.'

"Remember the longer the jury stays out the more the more hours I have to bill."

"He's had several billing procedures named after him."

'He's playing 'Doctor'.'

'The good news is that you'll be able to continue working and pay my bill.'

"You'll be out of here before you know it. Our auditor just went over your financial situation."

"Well, you helped me with my initial health issue, but now I've got headaches from dealing with billing and insurance!"

"Doctor Wilson believes in preventive financing, so regardless of your insurance, fill out this loan application form."

"It's elective surgery. Shouldn't I get a discount for the time you save not dealing with insurance forms?"

"I have good news if you have insurance. Bad news, if you don't."

'His insurance company said it does not cover self-inflicted accidents.'

'Bypass? This is more like a bill for an overpass!'

"Oh, the doctor does keep up. He gets accounting magazines on the latest billing methods."

"The doctor will bill you now."

"I can't wait until we convert to electronic health records. Carry these is giving me backache."

"Of course it's hard to understand. They wouldn't be billing 'codes' , if they were easy to decipher."

'Are these billable hours?'

'Tell me if this hurts.'

'Before we start, let me tell you why I have to overcharge you.'

'How come routine care breeds intensive billing?'

'Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it still remains so popular?'