Big Book Enthusiast T-Shirts

'Ordinarily we charge twenty five cents a week for overdue books, but I'm going to have to charge you a dollar for that one.'

"Meet The Author"

Thomas Mann.

Nathaniel Hawthorne

Reading my Critics

'To most people, 1984 is just a novel; around here it's our instruction manual.'

Television Readers.

'Look! The new long awaited, highly anticipated but ultimately disappointing novel by that guy you like.'

Silence of the Chickens...

The First Draft. . . Moby Duck.

Characters jumping out of a book.

"I try to write a little bit every day."

Sign in book shop window: 'Critics agree the book is much better than the movie.'

"It was a lot more satisfying before 'catch and release.'"

Iris Murdoch

'Is that where you keep the banned books?'

Charles Darwin Book Signing.

"No—You're thinking dog years—Editor years are twice as many."

"Hmm...I can see a best-selling book and a movie deal out of this..."

What Harper Lee's REALLY been up to all these years

"If I Can Make One Critic Smile..."

'Meet the author with her collaborators'

'Sorry, Marx, but your writing ability doesn't meet our needs.'

"I'm not angry, but in the future I’d prefer it if you chewed up her Sue Graftons, not my P.G. Wodehouses."

My Literary Influences

"There are those who write books to be read and other who write novels for bookshelves."

"Those are the failed attempts at my first novel."

"Regarding the plot of your novel ... what on earth were you thinking?"

'He wrote a whole book on how to play a slot machine. I'm anxious for his next one: How to Set an Alarm Clock.'

Tolstoy and Dostoevsky plan a collaboration - 'War and Punishment'... it'll make us a bundle.

Editor.

"Your appendix is fine. It's your glossary I'm worried about."