Bidding Rival T-Shirts

'Are you looking at my bid?'

Polygamists' Picnic

'Pretty strange term, market share, considering the whole object is not to.'

"These are Fzjhyg's sales figures for the month? I can run crop circles round him."

"A hole half this size sold for 340,000 acorns last week! No inspection!"

It's my biggest project - a database of all my sister's boyfriends.

'Let me guess - you lost a fight against a young challenger who has now replaced you as the company's alpha male!'

"At home there's a fish, a cat, a dog, me, and a big sister."

'... Going once...going twice...aaaand--sold! To the gentleman in the front row for a thousand words.'

Auctioneer: 'Sold to the lady whose husband just walked out!'

"We tried to play nicely, but frankly it's not as much fun as tormenting each other."

"Congratulations! You've won the bid."

Help!I am being forced to eat vegetables

'I'm calling you out, account to account.'

"Twenty-five thousand, do I hear thirty thousand? Let me remind you all - this is the last Thin Mint cookie in the sleeve..."

'I think it's really tacky to make the salesperson of the month someone from another firm.'

". . . and that dumb Mrs. Parker could have figured I had the Ace, King and Jack, but no, she goes ahead bidding in hearts. . ."

Fight on the top

'My app just ate your widget.'

"Calm down, I'm just using the rules of modern competition."

'Make no mistake Wetherall, it's a jungle out there.'

LEMONADE 50 CENTS, 'Sorry, cash only -- we don't accept little brothers.'

"Well, they were the low bidders."

'At first I wanted a brother, but I've changed my mind... I want a puppy now.'

'It may be industrial strength Crazy Glue©, but substituting it for welds isn't the way to be low bidder.'

'This information is on a need-to-screw-others basis.'

'How do you expect them to treat you in a mature way with that thing in your mouth?'

"Do I have a cough, a harumph, a wink, a tic? Sold then to the smirk for a million-five."

"I never got a chance to say 'Shut up.' "

Rodin's Late Arriver

Auctioneer upside down so he can read bid number