Biblical Twist Lover Pillows

'TERMITES!'

"You do realize his ‘nose so bright’ is going to attract a horde of Defense Department drones."

"Why didn't one of the bears just call 9-1-1 and have that girl arrested for trespassing?"

"Unbelievable! A tick!"

It was my story. A murder mystery. A who-done-it-and-got-away-with-it-until-he-wrote-about-it.

That lovely summer day, Little Red Riding Hood decided to deviate from the script.

"I see you also took the road less travelled!"

"Sorry kids, wrong house. This one is made of vegetables."

Rip Van Winkle, "He's survived the operation, now he's sleeping peacefully."

Death Photobombs a Holiday

"The back flip was a nice touch."

Joe, this is not my idea of 'paint night at the bar.'

'This has a great ending...he shoots her.'

"You're right...it's football strategy! I think I presented our financial proposal to the youth team I coach! I must get more sleep!"

Fairy tales reimagined for the 21st century. Jack and the Beanstalk

"Now THAT'S what I call a surprise ending!!"

"Mr. Dankin, the plumber will see you now."

Muggers nick nurses bag only to be showered in syringes

Crime

'A wolf in sheep's clothing is one thing, but Grandma's clothing... Are you gay or something?!'

'I wouldn't do that if I were you, mister. This saloon is made entirely of ninjas.'

The Three Wise Women

'Wait a minute,' thought Bob. 'This isn't my book. And those aren't my hands.'

'You called a plumber!'

Penguin emerges from freezer. Man says: 'This freezer needs defrosting.'

"It starts out with a standard romantic plot: Boy meets Girl, Boy loses Girl, wins her back, Girl kills Boy, devours his head and lays eggs in his carcass. Ok, now here's the twist..."

"There is no power button, it's a Bible."

Next on Fox! Clowns Without Makeup.

Statue Selfie

'Gentlemen, my card! I'm a lawyer.'

"I have a better idea! Let's squeeze the apple and ferment the juice!"

"When he thinks back about this years from now, he'll only remember the good probes."

Hansel and Gretal.

The modern version.

"I didn't have time to go shopping,so I just wrote him a nice check."