Biblical Bluffer Pillows

"Genesis" "*The King Gus Version"

"Yes. I said 2 by 2, but you needed to use 2 by 4s for the Ark...begin again."

"I think I've figured out why we can't find the marina."

"Damn. I think I missed the turn for Bethlehem."

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

"The hyenas started it."

'Yes, all at once!'

"On the eighth day, God found a lot of assembly parts left over."

"How was I supposed to know that the apple was a controlled substance?"

"Basically, your new job here at the Treasury Department implementing the bailout is simple, Grayson, just grab and armful of money and run..."

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

TSA Noah

'Luxury cruise you said!'

'Are we there yet?'

'You were great at 'Daniel in the Lion's Den!' -- I'd sure like to hear you do 'The Three Little Pigs' sometime!'

"We have a potentially serious problem accruing on the poop deck."

'Gosh, I dunno. You sure it's organic?'

'It's not much of a soap opera with just that Adam guy.'

"Believe me it's only an apple."

"I have an obligation to the stockholders, not the employees!"

'Look man, no wings!'

Bible Bloopers

'The ten commandments have all been reduced to tweets.'

Caption Contest TK

Moses unblocking the toilet.

'We're going to start this week's sermon with a review of the basics....'

"Why, Vicar, I'm Eve in the Garden of Eden, surely..."

"Oh sorry, those are the Ten Commandments. Hang on, I'll get you a menu."

'Moses parted the water so the Isrealites could go across? You mean in the mud?'

"Enough with the treehugging already!"

"Now tell us, Davey, what kind of rock did you use?"

'I'll raise you, Lazarus...'

'Don't worry it's organic...'

'Not only will you know everything but I'll see that you get your own talk show.'

A vicar is reading 'The Great Begatsby' written by Abraham.